A Very Sad Stop Work Order

Oi Bebes,

I just received word from our attorney that my Italian police clearance finally came through, after having waited 4 months for the document. In normal circumstances I would be jumping up and down for joy. I am not, I'm incredibly saddened as I was informed by him to stop working on my dossier, that the problems between Brazil and the US regarding the Hague Convention are too vast and too complicated to hash out any time soon, if they are hashed out at all.

I just do not know what to say. God sure does work in mysterious ways and I just can't figure out why this is happening and why it's happening now. My heart hurts sooo bad in this moment but I seem to be getting used to the feeling. Since my mother's death I have become a master at maintaining my composure. Nothing has ever hurt me more than losing my mom, as you guys know -- it's the one thing we have in common thus far.

I don't see this as the end. I will not accept it as an end. I see it as the beginning of something quiet different, something I am yet unaware of. I'm guided by God's hands on a daily basis and you are too, so, with no end in sight, somehow I will move forward.

As always, before you go to bed ask God to connect us somehow, some way. I have a lot of faith in Him, I know He does no wrong.

xxxPatricia

State of International Adoption

Oi Bebes,

I'm sooo incredibly sad to report that on November 24th when both Consular Officers were to meet to discuss the Hague Convention on International Adoption and did not The meeting once again did not take place and now may not take place until after the new year. It is safe now to say that more than likely I will have to start from scratch as all my documents will officially expire in mid January.

In a legnthy discussion today with the Director of my agency he reported that both sides, Brazil and the US are in disagreement with the wording on two important documents. I could hear in his voice how upset he was over this situation. He just sighed and said he simply didn't know what to tell me or the other families. He told me he got very upset with a Judge in Rio when personally discussing the situation with him. The Director of my agency said that it absolutely baffled him that a country with millions of children living on the streets and countless children living in orphanages would close their doors to adopting children out to the United States. It seemed to him that the judge was very smug in saying that Brazil placed 27 children in US homes last year! Out of millions, I just don't get it.

Even more heartbreaking is the fact that it is estimated that over 75% of reputable, long standing agencies who have placed thousands of children with forever families will cease to function by the end of the year as the funds, public and private are no longer widely available. He told me that it broke his heart to have to let go more than half his staff especially during hard economic times but that our agency will remain standing and be able to continue with its advocacy and humanitarian work.

And so, in my last post we prayed for our little Russian boy... now let's pray for us and for orphans all over the world and for the families that are waiting to be together:

Dear God, we ask that you continue to watch over all the orphans of the world as well as all the at-risk children. We ask that you prepare us to help them and give us the streghnth and the smarts to do so in a timely fashion. We know that every day children die on the streets and at the hands of abusers and in orphanages, but now we ask that you minimze their suffering, their seperation anxiety, their broken hearts, their hunger. We know you will offer them comfort in their time of need and we thank you for that. Please begin the end of their suffering, however you choose.

And please God, we ask that you unite us somehow, someway, and soon. I promise you my kids will take care of other kids as I will teach them compassion and right action. I'll also teach them to walk with you and never to doubt you. Amen...

OK BEBES, just as always before you go to sleep, ask God to connect us and make this road less bumpy for all involved, everyone.

xxxMuito Amor

p.s.
Eu não o acharei nenhuma questão o que ele. Eu nunca abandonarei em você. É minhas crianças e eu farei algo eu posso para você; abandonarei minha vida como sei que agora tê-lo ambos seguro nos meus braços. Amo-o todo muito e plenamente sou cometido a fazer o que está correto por você.
Amo-o
Mommy

A Little Russian Boy

Oi Bebes,

On November 20th in my last post I wrote that my agency had called me a couple of times and I didn't feel like calling them back because I didn't want to hear any bad news. Well, when I finally did get in touch with Kathy she asked me if I would consider a 5 year old Russian boy. I always promised myself I would take my first referral regardless of age, race, or gender. I did take it. I was sick to my stomach for a few days mulling him over in my head. He was ill and he needed extensive plastic surgery. Even as I write this my eyes are filling up with tears for this child. Could he had been your brother? Oh yeah he could have been. Could I have afforded his medical bills? No way. Should I have taken him in because of the promise I made to myself? No, I shouldn't have because my agency is fully aware of what kind of kids I requested and from where. I didn't pick Brazil because I threw a dart at a map. I picked Brazil for so many reasons, some very deep and some very practical. Plus, I'm so used to you guys, to the idea of you guys. I know that God sent that boy my way because it was a test in honesty with myself. I am finally aware of the fact that I am not Wonder Woman. I would have never been able to support a household and emotionally and financially support a sick child while working full time. Believe me if I had the money I'd have done it in a heart beat. I've never played the lotto so much in my life than since I started this adoption process...When I win every dime will go to orphaned children. Every dime.

I want us to pray for our little 5 year old Russian boy:

Dear God, please watch over this little boy and please let him find a forever family that will love and care for him the way he or any child deserves to be cared for. Please let him live a peaceful life and please let his emotional and physical pain subside and his days become bright and filled with hope.

As always bebes, please ask God to connect and please ask Him fix this mess with the Hague Convention. Amen.

(I'm writing a seperate post on the Hague)

Muito Amor
Mommy

Another Meeting and the Mountains

Oi Bebes,

I spent 4 beautiful days in the Great Smoky Mountains with Aunt Laura. It was a nice trip, hiking around, being so high up, kinda like I was in heaven. I went there because I wanted to feel closer to my mother, grandma Rosie. It's like she's around me in the mountains, her and God. It's almost a year, on November 28, it will be a year that she's gone. I miss her so much there are no words to describe how bad I feel. I want to thank you bebes for getting me over the initial shock of losing my mother. I was kept incredibly busy doing things for the adoption and you both filled a void in my heart. It hurts me that I can't do the same thing for you both right now. I just want to bring you home to Glendale and love you and cherish you and give you security and teach you everything I know. When I was in the mountains I thought about you both constantly and how you might feel being coddled by the sky, the woods, the clouds. I've attached a picture of the cabin that Aunt Laura and I stayed at, and I thought about you guys on the deck (well, actually climbing down it and it made me nervous! lol). Soon though, one day I'll bring you there and after all day of hiking we'll start a little fire, lean back in the jacuzzi, and relax in each others arms -- we'll be a family, albeit a tired one!

Another meeting is set for Monday November 24 in Rio. I truly hope that the meeting will actually take place and that all will be ironed out. I'm remaining positive. Yesterday I received an e-mail from our Brazil specialist and today she called and left a message. I have to be honest -- I'm not that much in the mood for any bad news and so I haven't listened to her message yet or returned her e-mail. I will though figure things out in the morning and report back soon.

As always, remember to ask God to connect us somehow, some way. To the connectivity regard, I've been thinking that I might come to you both. Volunteer a few months out of my life, dossier in hand -- I'll write more about that when I figure out if I could actually do it. I've always got something up my sleeve, always a plan B.

xxxMiuto Miuto AMOR --
Mommy

US/Brazil Consulate Meeting

Oi Bebes,

I received the following e-mail this afternoon:

Good Afternoon!

I am sorry to inform you that the meeting yesterday at the US Consulate
was cancelled. All we know at this point is that they are in the
process of rescheduling.

Once a new date has been confirmed, I will let everyone know.

As always, if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.

Kathy,
Brazil Coordinator

I'm upset and I'm pissed off. I don't know what to say or think.

Back in June when we had some other set backs I told you guys to keep in mind that His timing is perfect and now on a daily basis I have to remember that, and believe me I'm struggling with it. I know things will work out the way they're intended, the way they're supposed to work out. I keep on telling myself that.

I look back at this whole blog and I think, wow, some of the things I wrote months ago perhaps were meant to prepare me for today -- life is for learning, all great things in your life you have to fight for, and a family is what you make of it.

Whatever it takes bebes, whatever it takes.

Don't forget to ask God to connect us, talk to Him before you fall asleep, ask Him what's up and soon we'll find the answers.

xxxmuitomuitomuito AMOR
Mommy

Explanations and Honesty

Oi Bebes,

I know it has been a long time since I've written. I honestly don't even know where to begin at this point except to say that God's guiding us down some path we know nothing about but I know the outcome will be what is right for that time. I don't know if that makes any sense but I'll do my best to explain.

I do not want to get into the specifics but sometime in late July things started to go a bit haywire with the adoption process. From there on in prices have gone up (I didn't care about that though, I'm good at finding money when I need to) the requirements have changed and now, minutes ago I received an e-mail saying that the adoption process between Brazil and the United States has been temporarily suspended. A meeting to resolve certain issues regarding compliance with the Hague Convention on International Adoptions was to take place on September 11, 2008 and did not. It is rescheduled for October 22, 2008 but I am told it MAY NOT happen. This is not a good sign.

I know everything happens for a reason and I've been saying it all along. This is sooo hard for me to say but I've been thinking lately that maybe I should wait a bit, the economy is bad, my job is not particularly stable. And then I think, I can't wait, because you guys have waited too long. I've been completely torn.

Many monkey wrenches have been thrown into this process and I must wonder who's been tossing them my way. Is it God letting me know that perhaps right now it's not the right time for me, for us? Is He allowing this to happen because he has a better plan. I do believe with all my heart, really with all my heart, that that is the case. He's got a better plan for us. A safer plan, a more secure plan than I have. Maybe I needed this time, these monkey wrenches thrown into the mix so I don't go along too fast or without a net. Oh brother, I don't know what His plan is, I have no idea. One thing is for sure, I know that whatever the outcome it will be best for all of us.

So while I continue to wait I'll focus on scoping out base camp, don't think I forgot about that! I've been working very hard on that -- maybe it will be set up before you come, now that would be even better and maybe they'll be room for 5! Maybe it will be a house, but with the economy the way it is it might be a giant 4 season tent! Whatever it is it will be fun because we will be in it together. You'll fall asleep in my arms regardless.

I promise you this: Whatever happens I will never EVER stop coming for you. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'll do whatever it takes.

Muito Muito Muito Amor
Mommy

God Did Something Yesterday

Oi Bebes,

I felt God's hand at work yesterday. I was in panic mode, feeling sick to my stomach, anxiety ridden, wanted to bang my head against the wall and knock myself out so the feeling would just pass.

I begged God to do something for me, I asked and asked, and almost immediately, what I needed to happen happened. Clearly I asked for something I shouldn't have and God made it happen but since He's da bomb, that's all he did was make it happen. Nothing further and for that I am so grateful. It was like magic. It was as if God was saying "I absolutely hear you and will lend you a hand right now because you are in panic mode but know this is not my will nor my plan for you"

I know this might not make any sense to you but I wanted you to know about the power of God because it is something amazing. What I prayed for yesterday had no rhyme or reason, why I got it after so long was none other than the fact that God was hearing me loud and clear. Why nothing came of it was HIM protecting me ONCE again!

Soon He'll be protecting all of us under one roof. Please ask him as always to connect us and protect us while we wait.

Muito Muito Amor,
Mommy

Childhood Dreams...

Oi Bebes,

I know that our childhood dreams will be much different and I feel a bit selfish telling you about mine, but I will because while some were from very early on, most were born when I was your age. And so here they are:

To be free: when I was a kid I thought that to be free meant to run all over and not just inside the gate or down the road. Now I know it to be different. Freedom is a mindset. Sometimes though, one feels freer in different places.

To travel all over the world: Ever since I could remember I've always had a very strong wanderlust. All my life I've almost always wanted to be somewhere else. As an adult I don't regret it for one second. My wanderlust made me who I am and it's not over yet. These days though, I've realized that I don't have to go too far to feel it.

To help people: I don't know how to explain this one. I think it's something that you're born with. I can't remember a time when I didn't help someone in need. That goes for animals too. Now I'm lucky enough to have a career, which marries my love of education and my childhood dream to help people. I suppose life could be worse.

To adopt: yes, I have wanted to adopt since I was very, very young. Since the minute my mother explained the concept of adoption, I knew I would do it when I grew up. I've realized that my desire to adopt has freed me from the weight that most women carry on their shoulders... the biological clock. I never heard the tic tock tic tock of that clock. Not having a biological clock has allowed me to do so many things I wouldn't have done had I married early to start a family. I have enjoyed my life immensely thus far. I look forward to now enjoying it in a different way.

To write a novel: One night some years back I was sitting on the beach with a friend and we had a nice little fire going. I was reading him bits and pieces of Verso when I realized that it was a thinly veiled novel of some fantasy that I was holding on to for years. I hated that writing the book had become a monkey on my back and like all the monkey's I've had on back in the past, I shook it off. Into the fire. Years of typed pages and hand written notes burned. It was one the most liberating things I've ever done. A couple of years ago I found an old clipboard in the garage. On the clip-board was the first chapter. I cried. Not because it was gone but because of the awesome memories I have of that fantasy -- and then I realized, it wasn't really a fantasy after-all. Now I write for different reasons. When I was a kid I guess I thought that writers only wrote novels. I was wrong. Fact remains though, that I do write, just not fiction. Well, not yet anyway.

And there you have it. I'm living out my childhood dreams. And it's all connected. I've got the freedom to travel to get my kids and to write about it in my blog. Life is really good and it's all because of you, my yet unknown children.

Muito Muito Muito Amor e Beijas
Mommy

Hitting the Long Shot

Oi Bebes,

I've hit the long shot before and I'll hit it again. In the past few weeks some monkey wrenches have been thrown my way but what it comes down to in the long run is that I try harder, work more efficiently and get the job done any way I can. It's that simple and soon when I'm tucking you both in I'll look back and laugh at this mess. I'm sure of it and I PROMISE.

The one thing that I will strive to teach you is to be strong minded individuals who can have whatever they want when they put their minds to it. A brick wall stops only people who aren't strong enough to break it down, or smart enough to scale it.

As always, ask God to connect us, and protect us while we wait.

Muito Amor,
Mommy

Home Study -- Draft!

Oi Bebes,
I received a draft of my home study which I am going through now. I have to supply two more documents which should be done by tomorrow and they it will be stamped FINAL! Final and OFFICIAL -- I could then begin the grant writing process and hopefully someone will fork over some cash! Here's some bits and pieces of our home study, some friends have been interested as to what it says and what kind of report it actually is... I was surprised at the simplicity of it when I read it!

MOTIVATION FOR ADOPTION

Ms. Safina shares that when she was six years old, her mother explained what adoption was. Since then, the idea of adoption intrigued her and she grew up feeling that she would grow her family through adoption. Ms. Safina states that at this point in her life she is in a secure financial situation and is able to financially handle having a family. She feels that she is also comfortable with herself and confident that this is the right time for her to be a mother.


APPLICANT FAMILY BACKGROUND

Patricia Safina was born in Queens, New York on December 16, 1967. She has two older brothers. Ms. Safina has good memories of her childhood. “When I was about eight years old my family moved to Glendale. We lived in a two family house with my grandparents living downstairs. Because my brothers were much older, I grew up feeling almost like an only child. I recall having great friends in the neighborhood and enjoyed playing with my friends.” Ms. Safina remembers that her family owned a house in upstate New York, where they would spend summers. She states that she has very fond memories of those summers as that is where she learned a lot of things such as swimming, gardening, sports, etc. Ms. Safina says that she enjoyed school and graduated from Forest Hills High School in 1985. She attended Queensborough Community College from 1990 to 1992 and earned her Associates. At the age of twenty-two Ms. Safina decided to attend school full time and earned her Bachelors Degree from Queens College in 1994. She traveled to Florence, Italy and stayed there for five years returning to New York in 1999. She worked together with her bothers for a few years and went back to school in 2005 attending the School of Public Affairs at Baruch College, earning a Masters of Science in Education in 2007. Ms. Safina shares that all during her education her parents were very supportive and helpful.

Ms. Safina’s mother, Rose Tilotta Safina died in November 2007. Ms. Safina shares that she still misses her mother. “My mother and I had a great relationship. We were together all the time. She was an amazing woman, she was always there for anything and everything I needed. She taught me everything she knew and encouraged and supported me in all I did. She was unconditionally dedicated to her family.” Ms. Safina has two brothers. The oldest Andrew Safina is fifty years old. He lives in California. He has three children, Julian age nineteen, Christian age sixteen and Austin age thirteen. “Andrew is a lot like me, he is a lot of fun. He is easy going and loves kids very much.” Her second brother is Rosario Safina who is forty-seven years old. He lives with his wife, Linda and their twelve year old son, Paolo in New York City. “Rosario tends to be very protective. I know he is there if I need him.” Ms. Safina shares that she has a close relationship with her brothers. She states that they are both glad for her and support her decision to adopt.

SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS

Ms. Safina is single and has never been married. She shares that she has had some very good relationships but none was the right one. “My parents were married for fifty-four years and had a great relationship, that is what I want for myself. I am at a point in my life where I am not willing to settle for less than what feels right for my life. I still date, but I am more choosy. I am very confident and sure of myself, that I can accomplish what I want as a single woman.” She says that when she lived in Florence and was 29 years old she was engaged, but she wanted to move back to New York and he did not want to leave Florence. She eventually moved back to New York two years later and the romantic part of the relationship ended, but they remained friends. Ms. Safina states that she is not in a relationship right now, nor is she actively looking for a husband. She says that, “ I am very comfortable living as a single woman. I have many friends through work and in the neighborhood and am happy with the way things are.” She states that if a relationship developed , the man would have to accept and love her children.

RELIGION

Ms. Safina is Catholic. She states that she belongs to her local parish, and attends occasionally. “I am a spiritual woman, and I believe in being a good person and treating others as I would like to be treated. I was raised Catholic and feel that it is important for children to believe in God and to learn values and faith. I plan to encourage them to continue their religious training.”

End

***and I'll leave it at that for now -- SO for any of my friends who were wondering what was written in a home study, there it is -- how I worried about this process, and it's here and gone! God's got my back!

OK bebes,
I have to go now, remember to ask God to connect us and protect us while we wait for each other. I'm doing whatever I can to make this process go a little faster and I promise you, in the end it will all be worth it! God is making very special things happen now, I know it, I could FEEL IT.

xxxMuito Muito AMOR
Mommy

Life is for Learning...

Oi Bebes,

Below are some sentences from my favorite of all time songs -- songs that I remember from my early childhood, with my hair grown past my butt and my peace signs all over the place, from most of my t-shirts and pants to the walls of my bedroom to my little hands -- Yep, my friends might say -- that's her...lol.

We are star dust, we are golden...
And let your love grow with the smallest of dreams...
Give me spots on my apples...but leave me the birds and the bees...please
Everything will bring a chain of love...
I like to dream yes, yes, right between my sound machine...
When I come home from a hard day's work and you're waiting there, not a care in the world...

and finally (this brings us into the new millenium, btw)

I feel there is nothing I can't do, yeah

I titled this entry, Life is for Learning, because 1) it comes from one of my fav songs, Woodstock by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young and 2) because I've been learning a lot lately. First, I'll be with the DOE for another 2 years and have no angst inside of me whatsoever as I have had in the past. After trying to 'run away from home' my whole entire life, and succeeding for a time (a few times actually, lol) I've come to realize that the universe has been conspiring, with the help God of course, to get me to stay in Queens and for the first time since 2000 I'm ok with it. Really ok.

I spoke earlier about my childhood because I had such a great one. My parents gave us some great adventures that's for sure -- and all of them took place upstate. Ardonia, where I learned to swim, to ride a bike, to do cartwheels, to climb trees, to bake apple pies, where I twisted my ankle for the first time, where I learned to swing a bat, where I learned to appreciate the creek of an old wooden porch (the Ardonia Inn) where I went to my first anti war protest at the tender age of 7! Ardonia, where I learned to sit silent, where I got bit by a bee on my tounge, where I learned to put a worm on a hook, where I learned how to row a boat (Twin Lakes, remember brothers?), where I learned to braid my own hair, where I developed my love for the outdoors and my appreciation for nature, where I learned that the best sleep I ever get in my life is in a hammock with lots of OFF!, where I developed my love of all things animals, (thanks to the Catskill Game Farm) and the list actually goes on but I’m thinking you get the picture right about now.

And so, for my master plan: I can't possibly teach you all these things in Queens, nor can you ever experience them in the city and just as my parents set up base camp in Ardonia, I'll be setting up a base camp too. I'll take you to all the amazing places my parents took me: the Adironacks, the Catskills Mountains, Saranac Lake, Lake George, Howe Caverns, and in these places you'll run, climb, fish (catch and release), ride a bike, swim, jump in a lake (my favorite pastime, lol) watch the sunset, roast marshmallows, pitch a tent in the backyard where you'll fall asleep immediately because you're so exhausted from the days' activities....

It's my master plan. It's something else I'm working towards, something else I will make happen. Stay tuned bebes -- and again, before you go to sleep, ask God to keep us safe until we're together and after, and ask Him to give me the smarts to execute my master plan because without Him, I can't do it.

Muito Muito Amor,
Mommy

Whatever is Special in This Life You Have to Fight For

Oi Bebes,

I found out some news today and I cried a little bit. You know those hot tears that roll out of your eyes really slow and burn your cheeks. And then I thought of my last post and the things I wrote.

I'm in God's waiting room and I think I might have to get comfortable for a time. I was informed today that the Brasilian government has changed some requirements around for the dossier and I have to get a few extra documents as well as get some already completed documents done over. And still no word on gramps' prints. Yesterday that was my biggest set back, today it's a whole other story. A lot of the fees went way up as well (some from $500 to $3,000!). I know somehow God's got our back and I'm sure he will provide whatever we need.

I'm putting this evening aside to be sad and tomorrow morning I will have a plan in place. The gloves are off and the fight is on. After all a family is what you make of it and whatever is special in this life you have to fight for, just like I wrote yesterday. I heard those words for a reason and this is the reason why I remembered them, why they stuck out in my head all day. We're also in God's waiting room for a reason... I have to believe and I do believe he's got a way better plan for us. I trust Him.

Please bebes, keep your fingers crossed, and before you go to bed pray that God connects us and keeps us healthy while we're waiting. Ask Him to make me smart enough to realize and execute a good plan, financial and otherwise because NOTHING will stop me, NOTHING will hold me back from you.

Bebes - Amo-o muito, você não é único no meu coração mas em minha alma também. Prometo que logo estará nos meus braços, nenhuma questão o que toma eu ele farei acontece para nós. Não preocupe-se crianças, deixa o preocupar até mim, e até eu o darei a Deus e Ele cuidará de nós.

Muito Amor,
Mommy

Two Things I Heard Today and Something I Read

Oi Bebes,

I'm still waiting and have heard nothing from the FBI as to Grandpa's prints. As always I remain positive because I know it's just a matter of time. God's time. This morning I read an article that spoke about God's waiting room. It was titled, "Risks in Faith: When God Delays." As you know I come from the "everything happens for a reason" school and so (especially of late) I trust in God's timing. There's so many things going on right now in my life, some good and some not so good, but I definitely see a change in direction, a positive change -- a change that God has got his hands all over. As I'm sure you know change can also be very sad but if we trust that God is doing what is right for us we will be comforted, the sadness will come to pass and there will be a bright light at the end of the tunnel. That bright light for me is you.

I have a vision in my head of me cooking you dinner, the tv is blasting, toys are all over the place, homework isn't done yet, I'm exhausted and there's still 3 hours before bedtime. I glance up from the stove and there you both are. That is what I think of when I think of the light at the end of the tunnel. Watching you smile, learning to trust each other, holding hands, playing together, falling asleep while I while read to you at the end of the night, laughing together, exploring together, learning from each other. The list goes on and on but that's my light at the end of the tunnel, having you both in my life because you are my dream.

And so while I'm in God's waiting room ... after a long and very difficult winter, I'm finally enjoying the every day. I'm beginning to laugh again, and I catch myself smiling a lot more often than before. I know Grandma Rosie is looking down on me thinking "Finally! My daughter is back!" Grandma used to say that when I entered a room, I lit it up. Imagine when she sees us together!

OK so I'll leave you both with this: John 13:7, when Jesus said: “You do not realize now what I'm doing but later you will understand” (NIV). I'm sure that we will look back at this period of adoption stagnation and know one day why we had to wait. Remember that God's got a plan for us. A way way way better plan than we could ever hatch ourselves, that's for sure. Remember too that His timing is perfect.

As always before you go to sleep at night, ask God to connect us and to watch over us.

Muito Muito Amor
Mommy

OHH I forgot the two things I heard today!

Whatever is special in this life you have to fight for. Whatever it takes crianças, I will do whatever it takes...

and

A family is what you make of it. That's sooo on the money! I've been saying it all along.

xxxMommy

Pais do Coração/Parents of the Heart

Oi Bebes!
Today the quarterly newspaper on the state of adoption in Brazil came out and we're in it! It's kind of wierd to see my name with Portugese all around it but I suppose I should get used to it :)

****I included the whole article for those of you who are interested or able to read it... for those of you who can't read it scroll down to the bold lettering, which is where my quote starts. I can't tell you how excited I am about this! It's sooo cooolllll!

Tatiane, 11 anos, tem medo do escuro. Seu irmão, Rogério,
9 anos, dorme com a mãe, e às vezes acorda no meio da noite para certificar-se de que ela está lá. Mamãe Lisa, como os dois chamavam-na até pouco, é uma enfermeira da capital dos Estados
Unidos que, mesmo solteira, conseguiu adotar, há um ano, os dois irmãos do interior de São Paulo. Além deles, moram com ela Johanna, 5 anos, da Guatemala,
e dois filhos biológicos, já adultos.
Tati e Rogério são duas das 55 crianças brasileiras que receberam visto do governo norte-americano em 2007 para serem adotados lá, de acordo com o Departamento de Estado. Não é um número grande; só em 2005, os americanos adotaram
7906 crianças chinesas. No Brasil, as crianças só podem ser adotadas por famílias estrangeiras
depois de esgotadas todas as possibilidades no país. Além disso, os EUA, por não fazerem parte do grupo de países signatários
de uma convenção que organiza as adoções internacionais,
não são priorizados.
Lisa Foster iniciou o processo
de adoção de Johanna sozinha,
mas logo após retornar aos EUA, precisou da ajuda de um advogado. “Descobrimos
que as pessoas que facilitavam o processo e a família biológica de Johanna não eram éticas. Tentavam impedir as adoções de acontecerem”,
conta. Quatro anos depois, o mesmo advogado
ajudou
Lisa a adotar brasileiros.
A primeira parte de um processo de adoção internacional
envolve o dossiê do adotando,
entregue ao consulado brasileiro.
Ao mesmo tempo, deve haver a aprovação do Departamento
de Imigração Americano para que ela tenha visto e possa morar nos EUA.
Aprovado o dossiê, o advogado
faz a indicação de crianças
disponíveis e inicia-se um período de adaptação, em que a família deve vir para o Brasil e passar no mínimo 45 dias em companhia do futuro filho. Depois
da adoção aprovada pelo juiz, a criança recebe nova certidão
de nascimento,
de passaporte
e visto, para chegar aos EUA como cidadã
americana.
O Brasil é muito visado para adoção, pois não considera
o estado civil
do adotando. Além disso, nos Estados Unidos, é comum as famílias biológicas
entrarem na justiça. “Nosso governo é muito LENTO para remover as crianças maltratadas de sua casa e muito RÁPIDO para devolvê-las aos seus pais”, conta Patrícia Safina, 40 anos, uma professora com origem italiana de Nova York que espera aprovação de seus documentos para receber crianças brasileiras.
Mas é claro, problemas existem. Lisa, por exemplo, conta que a maior dificuldade de seus filhos do coração foi aprender
inglês. Hoje, na família Foster,todos estudam as culturas e línguas de seus países, e até decoram a casa para festas típicas. Johanna ainda tem contato com a mãe biológica; os brasileiros planejam rever a cidade onde nasceram. Patrícia também imagina como será a vida dos futuros filhos: “Eles vão falar português,
meu pai vai falar italiano e nós seremos uma família grande, feliz e
misturada!”


OK, for my non Portuguese speaking readers.... Marina Dantas, the journalist first described me as a 40 year old woman of Italian descent who lives in NYC and works in education. The journalist first quoted my answer to her question: Why are you not adopting from the United States to which I answered that "It is sad but my government is very slow to remove abused and neglected children from their homes and very quick to put them back with their abusers, i.e. parents.

The second quote goes on to answer the question of how we will communicate to which I said "I imagine that my children will speak to me in Portugese to which I will respond in Italian and we'll be one big happy mixed up family!" That's how she ended the article which btw is entitled Pais do Coração which means Parents of the Heart.

In other news: I have heard nothing from the FBI regarding grandpa's prints. I'm praying that no news is good news. Speaking of praying -- don't forget to ask God to connect us and to keep us strong and healthy during our wait -- and ask God too, to watch over us so that we may realize right from wrong and understand when His hand is guiding us where we need to be.

I love you both very much and soon, very soon we will be together. In the meantime I'm working very hard here in NYC to make your lives as easy as possible when you arrive.

Muito Amor,
Mommy

Fingerprint Trip with Gramps

Oi Bebes,

I went with grandpa a couple of days ago to get his fingerprints done again. I pray this time it works out good. The woman who took the prints knew they were for adoption and I explained to her that now I'd be behind a bit in bringing you guys home and she then stamped the card "Best Possible Prints". I was also short 1$ and she let me slide. Once again, I'm blessed by the kindness of strangers. It was funny she was even calling grandpa DAD and he was laughing. We had a good time on the M train. He reminisced a lot. He's going to be 81 in August so things around here have changed A LOT since he was a kid! He's such a great guy and I can't wait for you to meet him. You're going to love him! I'm sure of it, all his grandkids do!

In some sad news the earthquake in China is said to have left 4,000 children without parents and some thousands of parents without children. Let's pray that these adults and children find each other through adoption. Also,there are two panda's unaccounted for in Sichuan Province. I'm keeping my hopes high that they are just hanging out somewhere in another place, eating grass and laying in the shade.

Ok--don't forget to ask God to connect us, to bring us together fast so that we could be a family who walks in His love forever!

Muito Amor,
Mommy

Orphanages in Sichuan Province

Oi Bebes,

I found out today that only a handful of the 45 orphanages in Sichuan Province have yet to be heard from. It is assumed that they are OK! There have been no reported deaths, only minor injuries. There has been structual damage to their buildings, and some of the kids are sleeping in tents outstide and when it rains they go into the buses that transport them to school. BUT they are OK and that is the most important thing! God heard our prayers in a big way! But, don't forget to continue to keep them in your prayers!

xxx(kiss kiss kiss)
Muito Amor,
Mommy

Minor Setback :(

Oi Bebes,

I just received a call from Sandi, our social worker and my fingerprints came back. Seems that they were good enough for the State of New York, but the are not good enough for someone at our lovely Federal Bureau of Investigation. It will now take an additional 6 weeks processing time to get those prints back to our agency. I think we might be on hold now until mid July. I want to cry but I won't because I'm the mommy, and mommy's do not cry. On the bright side no one is hurt, God is taking care of you, and everything happens for a reason. I have faith that this is a minor glitch and it's just God's way of giving Himself a little extra time to prepare me for you.

Hang in there and know that I think about you all the time. When we're finally together things will be great, I promise!

Amo-o ambos muito.

Keep on saying prayers for our friends in China and for the pandas! Remember to ask God to guide us together and connect us.

Muito Amor,
Mommy

China, Sichuan Province

Oi Bebes,

Let's pray for our new friends who waited very long to receive their referrals, some who are already there, some who were to leave shortly and some who left last night. Let's ask God to keep them and their children and all the children in the orphanages of Sichuan province (and in orphanages all over the world) safe from harm. Let's send out some prayers for families who may be seperated at this time that they are reunited quickly and safely.

ONE OTHER THING

Please also pray for our endangered Giant Panda's. Sichuan province is home to 1,200wild Giant Panda's -- they live in a reserve called Woolong National Park and usually we are able to see them at rest and at play by using their webcam but unfortunately after the earthquake this morning it stopped. In case you've never seen a Giant Panda, I'll show you -- Maybe one day we'll be able to go to Woolong National Park but certainly, I'll take you both to our National Zoo in Washington DC, they are there too! It's one of few zoo's that I do not have a problem with!





Muito Amor,
Mommy

Mother's Day

Oi Kids,

It has been a very somber weekend for me. I'm thinking about my mom constantly and it still hurts as if it happened yesterday. She was really a great mother and an awesome grandmother and I'm sad that you won't be able to experience her first hand. I'm sure though, that your cousins, Julian, Christian and Austin will give you first hand accounts about how much she loved, how great she cooked, how she was always there for them, and her kindness simply cannot be put into words. The kindness of grandmothers. My grandmother, I used to call her Nanny, was what my mother was and is to my nephews. Probably you don't understand that but you'll feel it in our household, I'll make sure of that.

I have that feeling in my chest that I want my mom really bad, to be here, with me right now and I know that's not possible. That's when the tears come to my eyes and I get really sad. I know that you both have the same feelings about your birth mother and I promise to help you through those feelings, but I know those feelings only become bearable, they never go away. I promise to do whatever I can to help you through those feelings of wanting your birth mother and helping those feelings become bearable to you, because if they're bad for an adult I don't want to imagine how bad they might be for you.

Ok -- Next Mother's Day, I'll be a mother. I'll be your mother. I want to start a tradition and I want you to know about it now: Mother's Day in our house will always be a cause for celebration -- first, I will celebrate my mother and then my children, because without you I wouldn't even be a mom. I'll bring into your lives the very best my mother brought into mine. Below are pics of Grandma Rosie with her grandkids -- you can easily see how happy she was in their presence -- and today she's looking down on you both and guiding us together, I have no doubt.

To all the mother's out there -- Happy Mother's day! And Happy Mother's day to the woman who gave me my nephews! Happy Mother's Day Susan!

Muito Amor,
Mommy

Home Study -- DONE!!!!

Oi Kids,
Our home study is completed and should be returned as a final copy to me before Memorial Day! Which means I could send it off to CIS for your visas the last week in May and hopefully have your them in my hand by the beginning of July. In the meantime I'll submit the rest of what I need to be authenticated. I could very well have my dossier in Brazil by September! Which means the earliest I could travel would be around November and maybe, just maybe I could have you both home by Christmas. This is my dream, it's up to God though, so whatever happens, happens. He picks the time for us, we don't. AND God doesn't give us dreams he can't help us attain ....So, MOM please give a little shout out to Him for me and the kids, Christmas time in NYC is fabulous! Ok kids, Grandma Rosie, together with God will take care of it. You're going to love Rockefeller Center in December!
Muito Amor,
Mommy

In case you want to get a sneak peak below are two pics of my FAVORITE place in the world during Christmas... with and without snow -- OH -- You've never seen snow huh? WOWWOWOWWEEEE we're going to have a BLAST! Snow is frozen water that gently and quietly falls from the sky in little flakes, all different, and all beautiful... It is called neve in Portuguese, just like in Italian!

Another Great Day x 3!

Oi Bebes!

I'm telling you things have have been happening in 3's (UH OH, Could there be three of you? OK NOT THINKING ABOUT THAT NOW). Anyway, today I picked up my Letter of Good Conduct, and got it verified, I also received my exemplified birth certificates in the mail today as well as my psych eval. I made 3 folders and labeled them Docs for Dossier -- one for the county docs, one for the state docs and one for the Brazilian docs. Kinda cool because before today I had no idea what to expect, I didn't even know what a verified document looked like.

I don't want to bore you guys with my psych eval but I'll just let you know the conclusion --

.....Ms. Safina appears well-prepared to love and nurture adopted children. As past history is the best indicator of future behavior, Ms. Safina is expected to raise her children in a safe, stable, loving environment free from physical punishment or violence. It is my professional opinion that she appears mentally stable and is qualified to adopt children.....

That's it in a nutshell, my promise to you is that I will always love and nurture you and will always provide, at whatever costs, a safe, stable and loving environment. You are my children and I can't wait to be your mother. (Even if there are three of you)LOL. God wouldn't give me something I couldn't handle, that I truly believe.

p.s. Grandpa is being interviewed by our social worker tomorrow so please wish us luck! And, as always before you go to bed tonight thank God for connecting us and pray that we will always remain in our faith and that His hands will touch our lives forever.

Muito Amor,
Mommy

VISA Gol! and Random Acts of Kindness

Oi Bebes, Friends and Family,

Our fundraiser was a success! I’m so happy to tell you that with the help of family and friends I have reached the goal of the fundraiser – to secure the funds for your visas! This fundraiser has been such an amazing journey. People helped, folks I never would have imagined lent a hand in my effort. It has made me realize how blessed I am to have such amazing friends. There were some glitches along the way but they taught me a thing or two about myself. They also magnetized the beauty of my friends who lent even more support at the 11th hour.

After we got rolling the day just got better and better. I had faith that God would’t let it rain on our parade and it didn’t, figuratively and literally. I also had faith that I would make my ‘visa goal'.

Expecting to have good weather and expecting to reach my goal I thought I had all my bases covered. What I didn't though was to have tears in my eyes sooo much! Here's why:

First, Aunt X donated the space to us and I got teary eyed;

Then the woman running the flea market donated another space to us but because of some glitches we couldn’t take advantage of her offer. She then told me that instead she would make a donation in our name to the Schneider’s Children Hospital, and again, I got teary eyed;

Then a woman heard why I was there at the flea market and bought a little angel from me at full price! She told me that every time she looks at the angel she’ll say a prayer for my kids – again, I got teary eyed;

Then came the waterworks -- John "Oscar” my old friend I referenced in the bog titled “Strangers and Strollers” came by with an amazing gift (as if he hadn’t done enough already) from him and another old friend who coached my childhood softball team, Kevin. These two really helped me reach my visa goal that’s for sure. This time though, instead of getting teary eyed I just broke down. John and Kevin’s act of absolute generosity touched my heart in a way that I have never experienced before.

Then, I felt an overwhelming urge to call my mom, your Grandma Rosie with the good news. I sat down for a minute and felt that feeling in my chest, you know when you miss someone so much you kind of lose your breath for a second. I then noticed a book called Holy Days in a box under the table. I couldn't figure out how it got there, especially that I didn't put it there. I picked it up and remembered that the summer before my mom died she was reading it. It was an enthnography about a Hasidic family in NYC. I began flipping though it and found a bookmark made from a Mother Theresa prayer. I knew it was hers. At that moment I had realized that my mother was once again, there, the whole day watching over us and I smiled. My mother comes through in so much I do, it is really unbelievable.

And so I’d like to thank, first my yet unknown children because without you I would never have experienced tears of joy; to all my friends and family for giving me support and encouragement throughout this endeavor and because without you none of this would have been possible. Finally to all the strangers that I have come into contact with, for your random acts of kindness. I know I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again, I am truly blessed to have each and every one of you in my life!

So, here’s a special thanks out to Mary Beth for all your PHYSICAL LABOR and GIANT TRUCK DRIVING ABILITIES on little sleep!

Muito Amor Mommy Patricia

Saturday April 26, 2008 Fundraiser

Oi Bebes,
It seems like only yesterday I sent out an e-mail to my friends and family regarding our fundraiser at the flea market. Below is a copy of the original e-mail:

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 19:37:33 -0800 (PST)
From: "Patricia" View Contact Details Add Mobile Alert
Subject: Got Stuff? Adoption Fundraiser
To: pjsafina@yahoo.com

Hi All,

My dearest and oldest friend and I are participating in the Forest Hills/Kew Gardens Flea Market in an effort to raise money for my adoption costs. It's on Saturday, April 26th, just in time for SPRING CLEANING. If any of you have anything (and I mean anything!) you'd like to get rid of, from old books to clothes that no longer fit, shoes, gym equipment, golf clubs, fishing poles, pots, pans, furniture, dishes, trinkets, knick knacks, toys, games, cd's, dvd's, anything and again, I mean anything that is cluttering your home, garage, kitchen or kid's rooms please donate them to me for the flea market. All that stuff you've been meaning to get rid of, give to me! I will gladly pick them up at your convenience. You'll be relieved by less clutter and you'll be doing me a great favor at the same time. Remember, every single dime will go towards helping a child out of an orphanage and into my arms!
Much love,
Patricia
p.s. If you've got friends that you think might have some stuff they want to get rid of, please forward this e-mail! Every little bit helps!

Best,
Patricia

Well KIDS, I want you to know that my friends forwarded this e-mail to their friends and so on. In the past couple of months I have had the wonderful opportunity to reconnect with some excellent folks, some I know from 1st grade! Thanks to them I have a house load, car load and garage load of 'stuff'. But not normal stuff, GREAT STUFF! I have GREAT STUFF because it came from GREAT PEOPLE!

I am soooo thankful to all my friends and family for lending a hand in this endeavor. In times like this you really know who your friends are!

Wherever you are, say a little prayer that we have good weather and cross your little fingers that we make some great money! But I have to tell you, even if we come away with 50 cents it was all worth it, witnessing the goodness of friends, family and strangers really taught me just how lucky I am in this life.

Muito Amor,
Mommy

P.S. --If anyone plans on coming to visit our table we'll be behind Austin's Ale House off of Lefferts Blvd in the parking lot of the Long Island Railroad, across from the Kew Gardens Cinema, all day -- God willing!

Strangers and Strollers

Oi Bebes,

Last night an old time friend came by with some more things for our fundraiser. A female friend of his donated a strange and curious thing: a STROLLER!!!. She told him to tell me that I should keep it just in case.
HMMMM I never thought I'd need a stroller. HMMM. (For those of you that know the 'hmmm' face, I'm making it now) LOL.

Everything happens for a reason; there are no coincidences. One of you is going in that stroller I'm sure. I just hadn't thought about it but God certainly did!

Muito Amor
Mommy

First Docs for Dossier!/Prayer of the Faithful

Oi Bebes,

Just an update -- it's finally springime! I have a feeling you'll be around next year to experience srpingtime in NYC.

I went to request my birth certificates with exemplication on Thursday as well as my letter of Good Conduct. I had to be fingerprinted once again. It was kinda cool though because they were the computer kind, not the ink kind. I like the computer kind much better because it doesn't leave such a mess. Anyway, Aunt Betty came with me to keep me company and it was good. We didn't have to wait that long and it all kind of went quick. Again, let's pray that the word 'fast' is a theme in our process. I should get the birth certificates back in 3 weeks. We'll see.

Ok so this is such a sign: I'm watching the POPE give mass at St. Patrick's Cathedral and a nun just said the Prayer of the Faithful in PORTUGUESE! SEE BEBE'S, GOD's GOT OUR BACK! I have no doubt and we need no signs (although they sure are nice to have) all we need is our faith in Jesus.

Muito Amor com o Todo Meu Coração
Mommy

Tears of Joy/Lágrimas de Alegria

Oi Kids,

This is the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I've ever experienced tears of joy. I didn't even know what I was experiencing until someone told me. These tears of joy are amazing and they are because of you. Thank you bebes, for allowing me to feel a brand new emotion.

Amo-o ambos muito, você está no meu coração agora, onde você permanecerá eternamente.

Muito Muito Amor,
Mommy

Aprovado Para Duas Crianças!

Oi Bebes,

I told you I would write back tonight. The thing I was most nervous about is OVER. I've been officially approved for 2 so now there's no more guess work involved. I always knew it would work out as God intends and God intends me to have two of you!

I want to tell you that during the process I was smelling Grandma Rosie's perfume. I know she was there with me, at that table with me and the social worker, guiding the whole process along. I also know that because Grandma Rosie knows me best she will help God pick you guys for me. Remember, she's whispering in God's ear for us.

I'm going to be a mother, and you're going to be my kids. My dream is unfolding right before my eyes. God is good!

Remember when you say your prayers ask God to connect us! Ask Him too for a speedy process.

Muito Muito Amor
Mommy

Sitting Around Ready and Waiting

Oi Kids,

Today is Thursday April 10th at 3,55PM. Yep, home study day. I am so nervous right now and for no good reason, I know it will be fine and God's got my back without a doubt but still, it's kind of scary for me because I want you guys soooo bad. Somewhere along the way you both have become my TOP PRIORITY. Everything I do is for you, every move I make, every thought I have, everything I do is with you in mind. I am connected to you somehow and my prayers were answered -- in more ways than one.

After tonight I am one step closer to being your mother. Soon you will be my children and I will love you unconditionally.

OK -it's 4,01pm and I have to walk Jack and feed him. I will write after it's over.

xxxMuito Amor
Mommy

Wheatgrass Juice and Other Cool Things

Oi Bebes,

So it's one week that I have been juicing wheatgrass on twice daily basis and I feel great! It's giving me so much more energy which is really cool because I'm sure I'll need it when you get here! I hope you like the wheatgrass juice -- I'm practicing growing trays of it all over the house so we'll have enough for 4, I say 4 because Gramps likes it too! It's sweet and yummy but it makes your teeth green! That's only temporary though! If you don't like the wheatgrass juice I bet you'll like the fresh strawberry juice! It's really a great thing...

This week is my home study. While I know I'll be a great mother to you I have to prove it to someone else and that's making me a bit nervous. I'm getting a lot of great advice from Aunt Sandra (mom to your future cousins Tommi-Jon and Dylan). She's really down to earth and I'm sure you'll love her, ohh and TJ and Dylan too!

I'm running around cleaning up everything in sight in preparation for my home study (I'm told all adoptive parents do this to prepare, lol) and my friend Betty is coming over today to help with all the stuff for the fundraiser. Betty's great, she has two children a boy and a girl, ages 7 and 8, Christian and Berlyn that I'm sure you'll be hanging out with. Speaking of the home study I've been thinking of questions that I may be asked and of course the answers that I'll give. It's kind of nerve wracking wondering what the actual interview will be like. I'm sure to let you know when I'm done!

Again, as always, tonight when you go to bed, say a little prayer that God connects us.

Muito Amor,
Mommy

What a Difference a Day Makes!

Oi Minhas Crianças Belas,

First, I want to say that maybe my Portugese isn't great. Don't laugh! I think that's the way you say, Hello My Beautiful Children. In any case, I'm sure you'll teach me Portugese as I teach you English. We'll learn from each other and I'm sure we'll have fun doing it!

Today Grandpa and I finally got fingerprinted. The police officer who did it for us 'donated' his services and so we didn't have to pay. I thought that was so nice. He also wants to meet you when you come to NY. He said he'll take you for a ride in the police car and you can set off the siren! That would be cool! Anyway, you'll see that even though you'll live in a big city people, for the most part, people are very nice here.

I called our agency today to let them know I was fingerprinted and they told me another governmental clearance came back. The woman told me it was the fastest turnaround time she's ever seen. I hope the word 'fast' is a theme in our adoption process because I can't wait to have you in my arms, in my home -learning, playing games, being happy, and being loved, cared for and protected.

A little bit after that phone call my social worker called me to set up an appointment for the home study. It's April 10th at 5:30pm and I'm so excited. I'm asking all my friends and family who are reading my blog to send out prayers and good karma for me at that time. So, after 2 months in one day we got news of a home study date, government clearence and we got fingerprinted! What a difference a day makes, I'll tell ya!

In other news Aunt X is helping me paint my kitchen and is giving me great advice on making my home better for us. She's been absolutely amazing and I think you'll love her very much. She's teaching me a lot about simple home improvements and things like that. Before you know it I'll be a Portugese speaking handywoman! I hope before I know it I'll be your mother too!

Remember to say your prayers tonight and ask God to connect us.

Muito Muito Muito Amor
Mommy

The One Who Knows

Oi Bebes,

There's a song by Dar Williams called "The One Who Knows." I always thought of it as a song I would dedicate to my kids. And so, here's to you: Ok, I thought I'd be able to upload the song, but I guess I can't, so here are the words:

Time it was I had a dream
And you're that dream come true.
If I had the world to give
I'd give it all to you.
I'll take you to the mountains,
I will take you to the sea.
I'll show you how this life became a miracle to me.

You'll fly away, but take my hand until that day.
So when they ask how far love goes
When my job's done you'll be the one who knows.

All the things you treasure most
will be the hardest won.
I will watch you struggle long
before the answers come.
But I won't make it harder,
I'll be there to cheer you on.
I'll shine the light that guides you down
The road you're walking on.

You'll fly away, but take my hand until that day.
So when they ask how far love goes
When my job's done you'll be the one who knows.

Before the mountains call to you,
before you leave this home,
Wanna teach your heart to trust
As I will teach my own.
But sometimes I will ask the moon
Where it shined upon you last
And shake my head and laugh and say
It all went by so fast.

You'll fly away, but take my hand until that day.
So when they ask how far love goes
When my job's done you'll be the one who knows.

Muito Amor,
Mommy

Easter -- Páscoa Feliz!

Oi Bebes,

This was my very first Easter without my mother, your grandmother Rosie. It was very hard and very sad. I miss her soooo much, the way I'm sure you miss your mother. I promise you I though that I will try my best at making you feel comfortable and at home. I promise to give you the very best I can, like my mother and father did for me. Speaking of my father, (your grandfather Pasquale)we toasted today, to next Easter when you'll be here with us. That was the only thought that brightened up my day.

Muito Amor
Mommy

OHHH YEAH!!!

Oi Bebes,

I will no longer use the / in bebe/s because I know they'll be two of you. It's just in the cards and according to my Brazilian friend Sandi (who's adopting from Brazil too!)it's most likely. That thrills me to death because I know you'll feel more secure with your brother or sister at your side. Sandi's sister-in-law works as a lawyer in the Brazilian adoption courts and I'm so pleased to find out that your in good hands while you wait for me. I'm sure though you'll tell me all about your experiences...

Speaking of hands:

My right hand is killing me. Yesterday I had to write pages upon pages of answers about my childhood; what parenting techniques I'll use; about life with my family and my siblings. It was a great and heartwarming experience. I got to talk a lot about you grandma Rosie and the way she and your great grandmother Caterina raised me. I also go to talk about what kind of vacations we'll be taking. One week will be fun and the second week or so will be fun but in another kind of way. Our second vacation week will be spent volunteering our time in an orphanage in Brazil. Like this you'll never forget your heritage and we'll be giving back to society. You'll come to find that I'm big on 'giving back'. Something in my heart tells me that you'll be the same way and that we'll be alike because that's what God intends.

You're grandfather and I are going to get fingerprinted for the first time on Tuesday (this is for the homestudy); later in the process we'll have to get biometric fingerprints for the Department of Homeland security.

A couple of nights ago Grandpa Pat told me that he's excited for your arrival. He can't wait to get to know you both and to love you and share affection with you. I started to cry because you'll come to know that your grandfather is a little bit rough around the edges but he's got a lot of love in his heart. It meant the world to me that he said those words. I know you'll love him, just like his other grandkids do.

Muito Amor
Mommy

Education Update

Oi Bebe/s!

Just a quick update to let you know I have received my certificate of completion for the Hague training that Brazil requires me to have so I could come and get you... and it was no walk in the park either! But you'll be worth it and more I'm sure! Tomorrow I'll complete the rest of the training my agency requires and I'll order my birth certificates, get Gramp's criminal history check notorized and maybe another thing or two if time permits, but since I"m almost done with the paper work for my home study I'll start on the docs for the dossier next week. Then things will fly, I'm sure! And soon, we'll fly...home to NY!

Muito Amor,
Mommy....

From Your Cousin Austin

Oi Bebe/s

I had to work late tonight so I couldn't go to meet our social worker but I had a great phone conversation with her today and we're going to start next week. I'm super excited. I also spoke to Austin today and he told me this:

Dear Cousins,
I will love you very much and I will be the best cousin I can possibly be. I feel like your mom (my Aunt Patti) will be a great mother. I remember when she took me to the empire state building I had a lot of fun. I didn’t like walking back to the car but maybe you will. I am excited to have new cousins that I could love and take care of. Even though I don’t know you yet I will be happy to meet you and I hope very soon. I want you to know you will be part of a family that will never hurt you.
Love your cousin Austin.

You're really going to enjoy your cousin Austin, he's awesome and loving and caring.
Here's a pic of Austin and I from last summer, when I went to pic him up at summer video game camp in Boston; I remember, all I kep saying was "I'm picking up Austin in Boston! LOL. :


Muito Amor,
Mommy

March 4th, First Big Day

Oi Bebe/s

Tomorrow is the big day, well, the first big day of which I am sure they'll be many; especially the day I get your referral, the day we meet for the first time, the flight back to NY, the first time you walk into your new home; the first time you meet your grandfather; your new dog; your aunts, uncles and cousins (alright -- I'm going off topic here, lol). Tomorrow is the day I meet my social worker. I hope s/he's cool and laid back, because I am, you'll see. I'm a little nervous but I guess it goes with the territory of becoming a new mother.

In other news I've been doing the required Hague seminars and while I fully understood everything discussed when it came time to take the tests I thought for sure I'd fail. It was so weird. I was completely in panic mode. When they sent the results of the fist test I took I started to cry. I got 100%! This of course doesn't mean that I'm going to never make mistakes with you and that I know it all because I don't. It does mean though, that I'm trying very hard to understand what has happened in your lives and how it's affected you emotionally, physically and developmentally and what I can do to help you heal.

OKAYDOKAY -- When you go to sleep tonight and you think of me close your little eyes and say a prayer. Every night before I go to sleep I ask God to connect us. I ask Him to ease your fears and to keep you safe until I could bring you home. Now it's your turn: ask God to ease my fears and bring us together quick! One thing that I always want you to remember and that I'll say over and over again is that God's got our backs. He will not let anything happen to us that we cannot handle together as a family.

I'll keep you posted! Wish me luck!

Muito Amor,
Mommy

Getting it Together...

Oi Kids,

Great news! Mommy's TB free! LOL-- I went to the doctor yesterday to begin all the testing I need to have done to make sure I'm healthy enough to open my home to you and guess what? Thumbs up bebes!~ :))And what's great is that my doctor wears two hats, he's a general practicioner and a pediatrician! Hopefully we won't be needing him so much because you'll take your vitamins, your'll eat healthy and you'll be healthy, no doubt!

I'm also drving around with a trunk full of things for the fundraiser. I have to empty it out and go collect more stuff down in Broad Channel by my friend Michele's house. She used to be my neighbor, we met when we were 7 years old and while we've been through some rough patches we've remained friends all these years.

I registered for the Hague Training and that will start next week. It's a 10 hour course called Because They Waited and it will train me on whatever situation may occur when you come home. I've been doing my own reading and research lately in hopes to make the transition super easy for you. I know it will be hard. Always remember that actions speak louder than words and soon enough you'll know that when you come home to me you will have a forever mother, no matter what I will never ever leave you, never put you in harms way and always love you.

Once the home study is in full swing I will hit the ground running, authenticating all my documents and getting everything prepared to send my dossier to the agency. I have a feeling this will go fast; all the agencies are right in my backyard from the Queens County Clerks Office, to the Secretary of State's Office to the Brazilian Consulate. I hope to have the dossier completed by mid-summer but I'n not to sure how long the I600A form will take to be processed. It's all in God's hands, exactly where it should be!

Muito Amor,
Mommy

So Many Things...

Oi Kids,
So many things have been happening in the last couple of weeks I don't know where to begin. First, my dearest and oldest friend, your Aunt X agreed to be your back-up gaurdian which means the world to me. Second, the home study will begin on or around March 4th and I'm thrilled. Third, the home study agency and the agency that will bring us together are in contact of which I am happy. While I admit that's just a small step in the process, it's still a step in the right direction. Fourth and most touching is that Aunt X gave me the idea to take a table at a flea market to sell off stuff I no longer need to raise money for the adoption. I then remembered that I read an article about getting creative to raise adoption funding and so I sent out an e-mail to my friends and family asking them for stuff they don't need or want anymore. Here's the e-mail sent on Valentine's Day:

Hi All,
My dearest and oldest friend and I are participating in the Forest Hills/Kew Gardens Flea Market in an effort to raise money for my adoption costs. It's on Saturday, April 26th, just in time for SPRING CLEANING. If any of you have anything (and I mean anything!) you'd like to get rid of, from old books to clothes that no longer fit, shoes, gym equiptment, golf clubs, fishing poles, pots, pans, furniture, dishes, trinkets, knick knacks, toys, games, cd's, dvd's, anything and again, I mean anything that is cluttering your home, garage, kitchen or kid's rooms please donate them to me for the flea market. All that stuff you've been meaning to get rid of, give to me! I will gladly pick them up at your convenience. You'll be relieved by less clutter and you'll be doing me a great favor at the same time. Remember, every single dime will go towards helping a child out of an orphanage and into my arms!
Much love,
Patricia
p.s. If you've got friends that you think might have some stuff they want to get rid of, please forward this e-mail! Every little bit helps!

Well kids, my kitchen is packed with stuff as is my gargae, great stuff from Aunt Pat, Great Aunt Fran and there's more to come. Some very old friends are a driving force behind it namely Janine who asked her whole family if they had stuff to donate. My old friend Debbie has been asking about the adoption process and at the end of every e-mail she always offers help with whatever I need; she's awesome! She also forwarded my e-mail to some of her friends, all women I went to Sacred Heart grammar school with. It's amazing and very touching. I'm sure the fundraiser will be a success, in fact it is already because not one minute goes by that I don't appreciate what my friends are doing for me! It really warms my heart. I hope and pray that you'll have good friends like I have; I know you will.

Fifth thing; tonight I was at my boss' birthday party and it was great. His family is wonderful. There were a lot of kids around and one of them got stuck in the bathroom; they had to pry to door open with a crowbar! It was great because when they finally got the door open all the adults who were trying to free the kid cheered! In my day I wouldn't have gotten wacked with a wooden spoon for accidentily locking myself in the bathroom! LOL. But those are days long gone by that's for sure! Well, anyway someone asked me if I had kids and I said no. Then one of my friends said, "You will, in a short time from now you'll be a mother" I smiled at him and got all teary eyed thinking about you and with what he described as the biggest smile on my face he's ever seen I said "I can't wait!" I really can't wait to tuck you in at night, to feed you, to give you a bath, to read to you, to cook for you, to watch you eat and try different foods, to dance with you, to take care of you when your sick, to bring you to school, to do homework together, to teach you English, to play Twister and watch movies together, to build a snowman, to take you to the park, to ride bikes together, to go to the museum's, to travel together, to show you Italy, to watch you make friends, to watch you grow up, to do your laundry, to clean your rooms. Rest assured that whatever it is I will do it for you, whatever you need you will have and that I will always, always be there for you. That is my promise to you.

Muito Amor,
Mommy

Happy Jack

Oi Bebe/s

Since Aunt Laura spoke about Jack in the last post I thought I'd let you know about him. Jack, aka Jackie Leggs came into my life on April 15, 2001. I found him on the street alone and very scared. Maybe he was lost, or maybe he was abandoned I don't know but what I do know is that he has become one of my best friends' and protectors' as I'm sure he'll be for you. Here he is, Smilin' Jack:



Muito Amor,
Mommy

From Your Aunt Laura

Oi Bebe/s

Your Aunt Laura sent us a note over the weekend; she does a very good job at explaining what we mean to each other so here it is:

Welcome to the family!!
Patricia is going to be a wonderful Mommy!!! You couldn't have found a better family, the love in this house is incredible and you are going to make a lovely addition!!! I am looking forward to meeting you and getting to know you. I am aunt Laura and know your mom for over 30 years, we played together as children, went thru growing pains as teens, We worked toghther for our first job after high school!! Until mommy decided to go to Italy and study. Mommy and I never lost contact while she studied over seas. She always asked for me to visit, but i was to scared to fly alone at that time. When she came back we picked up like she never left! Your entering into a wonderful family!! You have a happy dog named Jack. Can't wait to see you!!!
Laura

This is a picture of Laura and I; we were visiting friends in Washington DC in August of 2007.



Sua Mãe Amorosa (YLM)

From Your Aunt Susan

Oi Kids!

There's been so much going on. The paperwork is insurmountable and very confusing but it will be worth it in the end when you finally arrive. In life nothing good comes easy and you have to work hard to get what you want. Rest assured though that you will always have what you need and the rest, all the extras are up to us. On that note, we received another comment, from your aunt Susan who is the mother of your cousins TJ and Christian. Susan's mother (Aunt Maryann) was adopted. She was your grandmother's best friend together with Aunt Fran (who adopted her children). Yep, the three of them were life long friends and deserve a special mention, as soon as I get a chance to write it! But for now:

Hi! This is a message from your Aunt Susan.

Well... you are finally here (almost)! We have all been expecting you and anxiously awaiting your arrival. You have been well planned for and your mom could not be more excited about sharing life with you. As part of our family you will be subject to a world of love and opportunity. Your mom is a very special person who has so much to offer. We welcome you with open arms. In this family your thoughts and feelings are important. Remember to speak to those closest to you and never be afraid to ask questions and explore, as the world can be a scary place and that is why you will always have family to lean on. I hope that you will get to know my sons, (your cousins) TJ and Christian. They are great boys. They also look forward to meeting you and having you share in their world. I know you will be the missing links that make this family chain unbreakable. WELCOME!!!!

Sua Mãe Amorosa (YLM)
Patricia

Your Grandfather

Oi Kids,
I thought you should know about your grandfather Pasquale, aka Pat -- aka Grandpa. He's 80 years old and was married to your grandma Rosie for 54 years. He met her during a card game in Brooklyn. They fell in love and got married xx later. He was somewhat of a wild child growing up during the Great Depression. I heard so many amazing stories through the years and so I asked him which one he wanted to tell you and he's thinking about it very carefully. Grandpa is an amazing man who worked very hard his whole life to raise us and while were weren't rich we never needed anything. I'm sure with all my heart that you will love him as much as he will love you. Here he is, together with the love of his life, your Grandma Rosie:




Sua Mãe Amorosa (YLM)
Patricia

From Your Uncle Drew Drew

Oi Kids,

This morning I woke up to find the below message from your Uncle Drew who is Julian, Christian and Austin's dad:

Hi Patricia,
You are doing just a wonderful thing. Those kids are so lucky. They will eventually figure out that they hit lottery. Wish you all the best and of course I will do whatever I can. God bless.
Your Brother Drew.

Family is so important to me. I'm excited that you'll both be entering into a family that will love and care about you, your Forever Family.

I've attached a pic of me and Uncle Drew, remember those smiling faces because our smiles will be even bigger when you come home!



Sua Mãe Amorosa (YLM)
Patricia

Coelho Parte Dois

Oi Meus Anjos,

Another Coelho quote...

Estou pronto para segurá-lo ambos e mantê-lo seguro. Em adiante e para cima minhas crianças!

Sua Mãe Amorosa (YLM)
Patricia

The Alchemist

Meus Bebês Belos,

No matter how far away you are from us right now, waiting right here in NY and California is a family that will love and cherish you like you've never been loved and cherished before! I promise. A long time ago a I read a great book for the first time by a famous Brasilian author Paulo Coelho. One line of the book, one simple sentence jumped out at me. It helped me realize that when things happen in this world, they happen for a reason.

“When you want something, the whole Universe conspires to help you realize your dream." ...Paulo Coelho.

The author also said that when he was writing the Alchemist, he was trying to understand the reason for the existence of life. He said that instead of writing a philosophical treatise he decided to converse with the child inside his soul.

You are my dream; you are the reason for my existence; you are the children inside my soul.

Every night before I go to sleep I ask God to help the universe conspire to bring you home.

Sua Mãe Amorosa (YLM)
Patricia

From Your Cousin's Tom and Steve

Oi Kids!

We have another post from your cousin's Tom and Steve Safina:

Hi,
This is your cousins Tom & Steve,

I heard the good news we have new additions to the family. We're lucky
to
have you and looking forward to meeting you. The more our family grows
the
better! Hope to see you soon, you'll have a great mom and family to
take
care of you.

Love & Prayers

Tom & Steve

*****Thanks Tom and Steve, I'm sure my kids will appreciate your message one day and I'm sure they'll look forward to meeting you guys!

Muito Amor, Mommy

Our Third Comment!

Oi Kids!

Your cousin Christian (the brother of Julian and Austin)wanted to you to know:

Dear Aunt Patty
I'm happy that both of you will be part of my family. I'm looking forward to spending time and having fun with you guys.I feel like I know you already. I'll look out for you guys like you were my brothers. I think Aunt Patty will be a great mom and you will be lucky to have her. I'm stoked. I look forward to the day I get to meet you.
Love Christian.


Thanks Christian! The kids are going to be lucky to have YOU too!

Sua Mãe Amorosa (YLM)
Patricia

Meus Bebês Belos

Oi Meus Bebês Belos

Eu não posso esperar você vir lar! É único o muito começando de meu processo e eu sou tão ansioso que siento-me como eu explodirá. Eu não posso imaginar o que realmente sentir-se-á como subir o avião encontrá-lo ambos para a primeira vez. Quereria piscar os meus olhos e tem correndo ao redor de meu apartamento jogando com Jack e ter divertimento. Eu não posso esperar durante esse dia, eu sei com ajuda do Deus e cochichos do avó Rosie será logo que podia manipulá-lo. O Deus não o teria qualquer outra maneira.

Muito Amor Mommy

Our Second Comment!

Oi Meus Anjos!

We received another comment from Aunt Loretta in Texas!

Hello my Girlfriend:

I am so happy and Blessed to be a part of this amazing process. What a gift both of you are going to give each other. I am so excited for you!!!!!

Love You!!!
Lor

Loretta is my close, dear friend who has taught me through the years how to be closer to God (remember God? He's the guy that's going to bring us together!). Aunt Lor and I know each other for more than 20 years and boy did that time fly. She is an amazing woman who is a business genius, a tough little in your face girl, with a big mouth but HER HEART IS EVEN BIGGER. She's a great mother of two sons, your future friends and cohorts, Nicholas and Christopher. Aunt Lor is married to Uncle Al who just got back from Iraq where he was fighting for our freedom for 18 months. Together they make a beautiful family, one day we'll visit them in Texas!

One other thing I will mention is that I spent an hour on the phone today with my intake specialist, Linda and she's another amazing person who is full of information. Next week I'll meet my Brazilian coordinator to go over each and every step and to figure out a plan of action so that we may help the process along and perhaps have it go a little faster, so you guys could be home as soon as possible.

Sua Mãe Amorosa (YLM)
Patricia

First Comment!

Oi Meus Anjos

We have our first comment! It comes from the mother of your cousins Julian, Christian and Austin. It means a lot to me that she feels this way:

Hi Patricia,
I wrote a comment in your blog but it wouldn't accept it 4 some reason. I wanted to tell u that that I was so proud of you and that your mother is too watching down on you. You are an amazing woman with the strength of 10 men and a loving heart of gold. You are blessing not only to the child or children u will be getting but to all that know you and love you.
Susan~

Thanks Susan for your words of kindness.

Since I never had children before it was my nephews, Julian, Christian, Austin and Paolo, who taught me how to love unconditionally and with a completely open heart. My nephews, your cousins prepared me for you both in ways you could never imagine, and now they'll lend a hand in raising you. I'm sure you'll look up to them and love them. You'll go surfing with Julian, learn to ride a skateboard with Christian, take Brazilian Jujitsu classes with Austin, fence with Paolo... With these guys as your cousins and friends the sky's the limit!


Sua Mãe Amorosa (YLM)
Patricia

Family Tree Kinda

Oi Kids!

I thought I should mention family (blood relatives) I'm going to give you a breakdown: You'll have one uncle, numerous Aunts', 3 first Cousins, 1 second Cousin and 2third Cousins (I think that's how it goes). Your two Uncle is my brother Drew; then there's Aunt Sandra, my sister-friend and the mother of Tommi-Jon and Dillon;(There's a lot more but for the sake of this post I'll keep it short). Your 3 first Cousins are Julian, Christian and Austin, sons of Uncle Drew and Susan. All of them are loving and caring amazing people. You'll both learn a lot from your cousins and they'll watch over you and protect you just as I will. Your second Cousin in my Cousin Andrew and your third Cousins are his sons Thomas and Steven.

You'll have 4 Great Aunts and 1 Great Uncle, my Aunt Fran who is also my Godmother and married to my Uncle Tony and my Aunt Maryann (these two were your grandma Rosie's best friends and for that reason and other reasons I will dedicate a whole post to them). There will also be Great Aunt Josephine Albanese, your grandfather's sister and her family your second Cousin John and his brothers and Great Aunt Josie Safina who was married to your grandfather's brother who was Great Aunt Josephine's twin.

You'll also have cousins in Italy and we'll visit them as soon as we can. There names are Cosimo Di Carlo Cuttone on your Great Grandmother's Catarina Tilotta's side who was Catarina Di Carlo Cuttone and an Aunt of Cosimo's before she married her husband Rosario Tilotta who was the uncle of Santino Pedone.

OK BASTA (Basta in Italian means 'enough!')

I'm hoping one of your cousins or uncles will read this and follow me through on the family tree and correct anything that might need correcting or add anything or anyone that I might have forgotten.

YLM
Patricia

Thisaway Rose

Hi Again,

I thought you should know that I chose this beautiful template because of the rose color, it reminded me of my mom. After uploading it I noticed the name of the template is called Thisaway Rose. Your grandmother's name was Rose and so, I think Thisaway Rose is the universe guiding her to us so that she could watch over us and whisper in God's ear when we need her too.

I also thought you should know that the agency that will be bringing us together is called Families Through Internation Adoption. The process will take anywhere from 10 months to 2.5 years before you'll be in my arms permanently. During that time I will learn as much as I can about you, what you faced as infants and as toddlers; I will learn as much as I can about Brazil, and I promise to speak Portugese by the time we meet. I will also learn how to cook foods that you are familiar with and learn how to make you both as comfortable as possible. I'll research schools, I'll fix up your rooms; I'll buy you books; I will do whatever it takes to give you the best life I can.

Your Loving Mother (YLM)
Patricia

Why, why, why? Because!

An Open Letter to My Children,

Hi Kids,

These pages are intended to chronicle how God will bring us together. I don't know how it will happen or where I'll find the money but one thing is for sure: we are meant to be and we will be with God's help and the help of our family and friends.

Let me start by telling you a little bit about myself: Ever since I could remember I have always wanted to adopt children. I had two friends when I was very young and their names were Candy and Lisa. That's all that I remember about them except that through them I was taught the concept of adoption. One day I realized that Candy and Lisa were different. I came home from their house and asked my mother why they had hair like cotton candy. My mother responded that they were adopted and proceeded to explain to me what adoption meant. She told me that our neighbors took them into their home to love and protect them. From that moment on I knew I wanted to do the same for some kids one day. A couple of years after the Candy and Lisa adoption story I was playing with my cousin Lisa and it hit me that she had dark skin too. I pointed my finger at her and told her that I thought she was adopted. She responded that she was adopted. I was shocked! Then she shocked me even more when she told me her sister Stella was adopted! I was a little bit confused because Stella didn't have dark skin. At that point in my young life I thought that only kids with dark skin were adopted. My mother had a lot of explaining to do and she did. I thought it was the coolest thing that I was surrounded by adopted kids!

Growing up and going though life I never felt the typical biological clock (I'll explain that to you kids when you're old enough to understand) ticking away because I always knew my children would come to me in a very different way. I waited and waited until I thought the time was right and that time never came until now, at 40 years old.

My Mother, Rosie Baby

Two months and two days ago my life changed unequivocally. On the morning of November 28, 2007 my darling mother whom I loved and cherished unconditionally passed away very suddenly and left me devastated. While I am still grieving and predict I will for a very long time to come I have decided that there will be no better way to honor my mother than to become a mother. My mother instilled in me so many amazing things and I plan on passing all the good stuff on to you, my yet unknown children for whom I have a bond, a dedication, and for whom I love unconditionally.

With All My Love,
Your Mother, Patricia