Oi Bebes,
I just received word from our attorney that my Italian police clearance finally came through, after having waited 4 months for the document. In normal circumstances I would be jumping up and down for joy. I am not, I'm incredibly saddened as I was informed by him to stop working on my dossier, that the problems between Brazil and the US regarding the Hague Convention are too vast and too complicated to hash out any time soon, if they are hashed out at all.
I just do not know what to say. God sure does work in mysterious ways and I just can't figure out why this is happening and why it's happening now. My heart hurts sooo bad in this moment but I seem to be getting used to the feeling. Since my mother's death I have become a master at maintaining my composure. Nothing has ever hurt me more than losing my mom, as you guys know -- it's the one thing we have in common thus far.
I don't see this as the end. I will not accept it as an end. I see it as the beginning of something quiet different, something I am yet unaware of. I'm guided by God's hands on a daily basis and you are too, so, with no end in sight, somehow I will move forward.
As always, before you go to bed ask God to connect us somehow, some way. I have a lot of faith in Him, I know He does no wrong.
xxxPatricia
Monday, December 15, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
State of International Adoption
Oi Bebes,
I'm sooo incredibly sad to report that on November 24th when both Consular Officers were to meet to discuss the Hague Convention on International Adoption and did not The meeting once again did not take place and now may not take place until after the new year. It is safe now to say that more than likely I will have to start from scratch as all my documents will officially expire in mid January.
In a legnthy discussion today with the Director of my agency he reported that both sides, Brazil and the US are in disagreement with the wording on two important documents. I could hear in his voice how upset he was over this situation. He just sighed and said he simply didn't know what to tell me or the other families. He told me he got very upset with a Judge in Rio when personally discussing the situation with him. The Director of my agency said that it absolutely baffled him that a country with millions of children living on the streets and countless children living in orphanages would close their doors to adopting children out to the United States. It seemed to him that the judge was very smug in saying that Brazil placed 27 children in US homes last year! Out of millions, I just don't get it.
Even more heartbreaking is the fact that it is estimated that over 75% of reputable, long standing agencies who have placed thousands of children with forever families will cease to function by the end of the year as the funds, public and private are no longer widely available. He told me that it broke his heart to have to let go more than half his staff especially during hard economic times but that our agency will remain standing and be able to continue with its advocacy and humanitarian work.
And so, in my last post we prayed for our little Russian boy... now let's pray for us and for orphans all over the world and for the families that are waiting to be together:
Dear God, we ask that you continue to watch over all the orphans of the world as well as all the at-risk children. We ask that you prepare us to help them and give us the streghnth and the smarts to do so in a timely fashion. We know that every day children die on the streets and at the hands of abusers and in orphanages, but now we ask that you minimze their suffering, their seperation anxiety, their broken hearts, their hunger. We know you will offer them comfort in their time of need and we thank you for that. Please begin the end of their suffering, however you choose.
And please God, we ask that you unite us somehow, someway, and soon. I promise you my kids will take care of other kids as I will teach them compassion and right action. I'll also teach them to walk with you and never to doubt you. Amen...
OK BEBES, just as always before you go to sleep, ask God to connect us and make this road less bumpy for all involved, everyone.
xxxMuito Amor
p.s.
Eu não o acharei nenhuma questão o que ele. Eu nunca abandonarei em você. É minhas crianças e eu farei algo eu posso para você; abandonarei minha vida como sei que agora tê-lo ambos seguro nos meus braços. Amo-o todo muito e plenamente sou cometido a fazer o que está correto por você.
Amo-o
Mommy
I'm sooo incredibly sad to report that on November 24th when both Consular Officers were to meet to discuss the Hague Convention on International Adoption and did not The meeting once again did not take place and now may not take place until after the new year. It is safe now to say that more than likely I will have to start from scratch as all my documents will officially expire in mid January.
In a legnthy discussion today with the Director of my agency he reported that both sides, Brazil and the US are in disagreement with the wording on two important documents. I could hear in his voice how upset he was over this situation. He just sighed and said he simply didn't know what to tell me or the other families. He told me he got very upset with a Judge in Rio when personally discussing the situation with him. The Director of my agency said that it absolutely baffled him that a country with millions of children living on the streets and countless children living in orphanages would close their doors to adopting children out to the United States. It seemed to him that the judge was very smug in saying that Brazil placed 27 children in US homes last year! Out of millions, I just don't get it.
Even more heartbreaking is the fact that it is estimated that over 75% of reputable, long standing agencies who have placed thousands of children with forever families will cease to function by the end of the year as the funds, public and private are no longer widely available. He told me that it broke his heart to have to let go more than half his staff especially during hard economic times but that our agency will remain standing and be able to continue with its advocacy and humanitarian work.
And so, in my last post we prayed for our little Russian boy... now let's pray for us and for orphans all over the world and for the families that are waiting to be together:
Dear God, we ask that you continue to watch over all the orphans of the world as well as all the at-risk children. We ask that you prepare us to help them and give us the streghnth and the smarts to do so in a timely fashion. We know that every day children die on the streets and at the hands of abusers and in orphanages, but now we ask that you minimze their suffering, their seperation anxiety, their broken hearts, their hunger. We know you will offer them comfort in their time of need and we thank you for that. Please begin the end of their suffering, however you choose.
And please God, we ask that you unite us somehow, someway, and soon. I promise you my kids will take care of other kids as I will teach them compassion and right action. I'll also teach them to walk with you and never to doubt you. Amen...
OK BEBES, just as always before you go to sleep, ask God to connect us and make this road less bumpy for all involved, everyone.
xxxMuito Amor
p.s.
Eu não o acharei nenhuma questão o que ele. Eu nunca abandonarei em você. É minhas crianças e eu farei algo eu posso para você; abandonarei minha vida como sei que agora tê-lo ambos seguro nos meus braços. Amo-o todo muito e plenamente sou cometido a fazer o que está correto por você.
Amo-o
Mommy
A Little Russian Boy
Oi Bebes,
On November 20th in my last post I wrote that my agency had called me a couple of times and I didn't feel like calling them back because I didn't want to hear any bad news. Well, when I finally did get in touch with Kathy she asked me if I would consider a 5 year old Russian boy. I always promised myself I would take my first referral regardless of age, race, or gender. I did take it. I was sick to my stomach for a few days mulling him over in my head. He was ill and he needed extensive plastic surgery. Even as I write this my eyes are filling up with tears for this child. Could he had been your brother? Oh yeah he could have been. Could I have afforded his medical bills? No way. Should I have taken him in because of the promise I made to myself? No, I shouldn't have because my agency is fully aware of what kind of kids I requested and from where. I didn't pick Brazil because I threw a dart at a map. I picked Brazil for so many reasons, some very deep and some very practical. Plus, I'm so used to you guys, to the idea of you guys. I know that God sent that boy my way because it was a test in honesty with myself. I am finally aware of the fact that I am not Wonder Woman. I would have never been able to support a household and emotionally and financially support a sick child while working full time. Believe me if I had the money I'd have done it in a heart beat. I've never played the lotto so much in my life than since I started this adoption process...When I win every dime will go to orphaned children. Every dime.
I want us to pray for our little 5 year old Russian boy:
Dear God, please watch over this little boy and please let him find a forever family that will love and care for him the way he or any child deserves to be cared for. Please let him live a peaceful life and please let his emotional and physical pain subside and his days become bright and filled with hope.
As always bebes, please ask God to connect and please ask Him fix this mess with the Hague Convention. Amen.
(I'm writing a seperate post on the Hague)
Muito Amor
Mommy
On November 20th in my last post I wrote that my agency had called me a couple of times and I didn't feel like calling them back because I didn't want to hear any bad news. Well, when I finally did get in touch with Kathy she asked me if I would consider a 5 year old Russian boy. I always promised myself I would take my first referral regardless of age, race, or gender. I did take it. I was sick to my stomach for a few days mulling him over in my head. He was ill and he needed extensive plastic surgery. Even as I write this my eyes are filling up with tears for this child. Could he had been your brother? Oh yeah he could have been. Could I have afforded his medical bills? No way. Should I have taken him in because of the promise I made to myself? No, I shouldn't have because my agency is fully aware of what kind of kids I requested and from where. I didn't pick Brazil because I threw a dart at a map. I picked Brazil for so many reasons, some very deep and some very practical. Plus, I'm so used to you guys, to the idea of you guys. I know that God sent that boy my way because it was a test in honesty with myself. I am finally aware of the fact that I am not Wonder Woman. I would have never been able to support a household and emotionally and financially support a sick child while working full time. Believe me if I had the money I'd have done it in a heart beat. I've never played the lotto so much in my life than since I started this adoption process...When I win every dime will go to orphaned children. Every dime.
I want us to pray for our little 5 year old Russian boy:
Dear God, please watch over this little boy and please let him find a forever family that will love and care for him the way he or any child deserves to be cared for. Please let him live a peaceful life and please let his emotional and physical pain subside and his days become bright and filled with hope.
As always bebes, please ask God to connect and please ask Him fix this mess with the Hague Convention. Amen.
(I'm writing a seperate post on the Hague)
Muito Amor
Mommy
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Another Meeting and the Mountains
Oi Bebes,
I spent 4 beautiful days in the Great Smoky Mountains with Aunt Laura. It was a nice trip, hiking around, being so high up, kinda like I was in heaven. I went there because I wanted to feel closer to my mother, grandma Rosie. It's like she's around me in the mountains, her and God. It's almost a year, on November 28, it will be a year that she's gone. I miss her so much there are no words to describe how bad I feel. I want to thank you bebes for getting me over the initial shock of losing my mother. I was kept incredibly busy doing things for the adoption and you both filled a void in my heart. It hurts me that I can't do the same thing for you both right now. I just want to bring you home to Glendale and love you and cherish you and give you security and teach you everything I know. When I was in the mountains I thought about you both constantly and how you might feel being coddled by the sky, the woods, the clouds. I've attached a picture of the cabin that Aunt Laura and I stayed at, and I thought about you guys on the deck (well, actually climbing down it and it made me nervous! lol). Soon though, one day I'll bring you there and after all day of hiking we'll start a little fire, lean back in the jacuzzi, and relax in each others arms -- we'll be a family, albeit a tired one!
Another meeting is set for Monday November 24 in Rio. I truly hope that the meeting will actually take place and that all will be ironed out. I'm remaining positive. Yesterday I received an e-mail from our Brazil specialist and today she called and left a message. I have to be honest -- I'm not that much in the mood for any bad news and so I haven't listened to her message yet or returned her e-mail. I will though figure things out in the morning and report back soon.
As always, remember to ask God to connect us somehow, some way. To the connectivity regard, I've been thinking that I might come to you both. Volunteer a few months out of my life, dossier in hand -- I'll write more about that when I figure out if I could actually do it. I've always got something up my sleeve, always a plan B.
xxxMiuto Miuto AMOR --
Mommy
I spent 4 beautiful days in the Great Smoky Mountains with Aunt Laura. It was a nice trip, hiking around, being so high up, kinda like I was in heaven. I went there because I wanted to feel closer to my mother, grandma Rosie. It's like she's around me in the mountains, her and God. It's almost a year, on November 28, it will be a year that she's gone. I miss her so much there are no words to describe how bad I feel. I want to thank you bebes for getting me over the initial shock of losing my mother. I was kept incredibly busy doing things for the adoption and you both filled a void in my heart. It hurts me that I can't do the same thing for you both right now. I just want to bring you home to Glendale and love you and cherish you and give you security and teach you everything I know. When I was in the mountains I thought about you both constantly and how you might feel being coddled by the sky, the woods, the clouds. I've attached a picture of the cabin that Aunt Laura and I stayed at, and I thought about you guys on the deck (well, actually climbing down it and it made me nervous! lol). Soon though, one day I'll bring you there and after all day of hiking we'll start a little fire, lean back in the jacuzzi, and relax in each others arms -- we'll be a family, albeit a tired one!
Another meeting is set for Monday November 24 in Rio. I truly hope that the meeting will actually take place and that all will be ironed out. I'm remaining positive. Yesterday I received an e-mail from our Brazil specialist and today she called and left a message. I have to be honest -- I'm not that much in the mood for any bad news and so I haven't listened to her message yet or returned her e-mail. I will though figure things out in the morning and report back soon.
As always, remember to ask God to connect us somehow, some way. To the connectivity regard, I've been thinking that I might come to you both. Volunteer a few months out of my life, dossier in hand -- I'll write more about that when I figure out if I could actually do it. I've always got something up my sleeve, always a plan B.
xxxMiuto Miuto AMOR --
Mommy
Thursday, October 23, 2008
US/Brazil Consulate Meeting
Oi Bebes,
I received the following e-mail this afternoon:
Good Afternoon!
I am sorry to inform you that the meeting yesterday at the US Consulate
was cancelled. All we know at this point is that they are in the
process of rescheduling.
Once a new date has been confirmed, I will let everyone know.
As always, if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.
Kathy,
Brazil Coordinator
I'm upset and I'm pissed off. I don't know what to say or think.
Back in June when we had some other set backs I told you guys to keep in mind that His timing is perfect and now on a daily basis I have to remember that, and believe me I'm struggling with it. I know things will work out the way they're intended, the way they're supposed to work out. I keep on telling myself that.
I look back at this whole blog and I think, wow, some of the things I wrote months ago perhaps were meant to prepare me for today -- life is for learning, all great things in your life you have to fight for, and a family is what you make of it.
Whatever it takes bebes, whatever it takes.
Don't forget to ask God to connect us, talk to Him before you fall asleep, ask Him what's up and soon we'll find the answers.
xxxmuitomuitomuito AMOR
Mommy
I received the following e-mail this afternoon:
Good Afternoon!
I am sorry to inform you that the meeting yesterday at the US Consulate
was cancelled. All we know at this point is that they are in the
process of rescheduling.
Once a new date has been confirmed, I will let everyone know.
As always, if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.
Kathy,
Brazil Coordinator
I'm upset and I'm pissed off. I don't know what to say or think.
Back in June when we had some other set backs I told you guys to keep in mind that His timing is perfect and now on a daily basis I have to remember that, and believe me I'm struggling with it. I know things will work out the way they're intended, the way they're supposed to work out. I keep on telling myself that.
I look back at this whole blog and I think, wow, some of the things I wrote months ago perhaps were meant to prepare me for today -- life is for learning, all great things in your life you have to fight for, and a family is what you make of it.
Whatever it takes bebes, whatever it takes.
Don't forget to ask God to connect us, talk to Him before you fall asleep, ask Him what's up and soon we'll find the answers.
xxxmuitomuitomuito AMOR
Mommy
Friday, October 17, 2008
Explanations and Honesty
Oi Bebes,
I know it has been a long time since I've written. I honestly don't even know where to begin at this point except to say that God's guiding us down some path we know nothing about but I know the outcome will be what is right for that time. I don't know if that makes any sense but I'll do my best to explain.
I do not want to get into the specifics but sometime in late July things started to go a bit haywire with the adoption process. From there on in prices have gone up (I didn't care about that though, I'm good at finding money when I need to) the requirements have changed and now, minutes ago I received an e-mail saying that the adoption process between Brazil and the United States has been temporarily suspended. A meeting to resolve certain issues regarding compliance with the Hague Convention on International Adoptions was to take place on September 11, 2008 and did not. It is rescheduled for October 22, 2008 but I am told it MAY NOT happen. This is not a good sign.
I know everything happens for a reason and I've been saying it all along. This is sooo hard for me to say but I've been thinking lately that maybe I should wait a bit, the economy is bad, my job is not particularly stable. And then I think, I can't wait, because you guys have waited too long. I've been completely torn.
Many monkey wrenches have been thrown into this process and I must wonder who's been tossing them my way. Is it God letting me know that perhaps right now it's not the right time for me, for us? Is He allowing this to happen because he has a better plan. I do believe with all my heart, really with all my heart, that that is the case. He's got a better plan for us. A safer plan, a more secure plan than I have. Maybe I needed this time, these monkey wrenches thrown into the mix so I don't go along too fast or without a net. Oh brother, I don't know what His plan is, I have no idea. One thing is for sure, I know that whatever the outcome it will be best for all of us.
So while I continue to wait I'll focus on scoping out base camp, don't think I forgot about that! I've been working very hard on that -- maybe it will be set up before you come, now that would be even better and maybe they'll be room for 5! Maybe it will be a house, but with the economy the way it is it might be a giant 4 season tent! Whatever it is it will be fun because we will be in it together. You'll fall asleep in my arms regardless.
I promise you this: Whatever happens I will never EVER stop coming for you. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'll do whatever it takes.
Muito Muito Muito Amor
Mommy
I know it has been a long time since I've written. I honestly don't even know where to begin at this point except to say that God's guiding us down some path we know nothing about but I know the outcome will be what is right for that time. I don't know if that makes any sense but I'll do my best to explain.
I do not want to get into the specifics but sometime in late July things started to go a bit haywire with the adoption process. From there on in prices have gone up (I didn't care about that though, I'm good at finding money when I need to) the requirements have changed and now, minutes ago I received an e-mail saying that the adoption process between Brazil and the United States has been temporarily suspended. A meeting to resolve certain issues regarding compliance with the Hague Convention on International Adoptions was to take place on September 11, 2008 and did not. It is rescheduled for October 22, 2008 but I am told it MAY NOT happen. This is not a good sign.
I know everything happens for a reason and I've been saying it all along. This is sooo hard for me to say but I've been thinking lately that maybe I should wait a bit, the economy is bad, my job is not particularly stable. And then I think, I can't wait, because you guys have waited too long. I've been completely torn.
Many monkey wrenches have been thrown into this process and I must wonder who's been tossing them my way. Is it God letting me know that perhaps right now it's not the right time for me, for us? Is He allowing this to happen because he has a better plan. I do believe with all my heart, really with all my heart, that that is the case. He's got a better plan for us. A safer plan, a more secure plan than I have. Maybe I needed this time, these monkey wrenches thrown into the mix so I don't go along too fast or without a net. Oh brother, I don't know what His plan is, I have no idea. One thing is for sure, I know that whatever the outcome it will be best for all of us.
So while I continue to wait I'll focus on scoping out base camp, don't think I forgot about that! I've been working very hard on that -- maybe it will be set up before you come, now that would be even better and maybe they'll be room for 5! Maybe it will be a house, but with the economy the way it is it might be a giant 4 season tent! Whatever it is it will be fun because we will be in it together. You'll fall asleep in my arms regardless.
I promise you this: Whatever happens I will never EVER stop coming for you. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'll do whatever it takes.
Muito Muito Muito Amor
Mommy
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
God Did Something Yesterday
Oi Bebes,
I felt God's hand at work yesterday. I was in panic mode, feeling sick to my stomach, anxiety ridden, wanted to bang my head against the wall and knock myself out so the feeling would just pass.
I begged God to do something for me, I asked and asked, and almost immediately, what I needed to happen happened. Clearly I asked for something I shouldn't have and God made it happen but since He's da bomb, that's all he did was make it happen. Nothing further and for that I am so grateful. It was like magic. It was as if God was saying "I absolutely hear you and will lend you a hand right now because you are in panic mode but know this is not my will nor my plan for you"
I know this might not make any sense to you but I wanted you to know about the power of God because it is something amazing. What I prayed for yesterday had no rhyme or reason, why I got it after so long was none other than the fact that God was hearing me loud and clear. Why nothing came of it was HIM protecting me ONCE again!
Soon He'll be protecting all of us under one roof. Please ask him as always to connect us and protect us while we wait.
Muito Muito Amor,
Mommy
I felt God's hand at work yesterday. I was in panic mode, feeling sick to my stomach, anxiety ridden, wanted to bang my head against the wall and knock myself out so the feeling would just pass.
I begged God to do something for me, I asked and asked, and almost immediately, what I needed to happen happened. Clearly I asked for something I shouldn't have and God made it happen but since He's da bomb, that's all he did was make it happen. Nothing further and for that I am so grateful. It was like magic. It was as if God was saying "I absolutely hear you and will lend you a hand right now because you are in panic mode but know this is not my will nor my plan for you"
I know this might not make any sense to you but I wanted you to know about the power of God because it is something amazing. What I prayed for yesterday had no rhyme or reason, why I got it after so long was none other than the fact that God was hearing me loud and clear. Why nothing came of it was HIM protecting me ONCE again!
Soon He'll be protecting all of us under one roof. Please ask him as always to connect us and protect us while we wait.
Muito Muito Amor,
Mommy
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