US/Brazil Consulate Meeting

Oi Bebes,

I received the following e-mail this afternoon:

Good Afternoon!

I am sorry to inform you that the meeting yesterday at the US Consulate
was cancelled. All we know at this point is that they are in the
process of rescheduling.

Once a new date has been confirmed, I will let everyone know.

As always, if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.

Kathy,
Brazil Coordinator

I'm upset and I'm pissed off. I don't know what to say or think.

Back in June when we had some other set backs I told you guys to keep in mind that His timing is perfect and now on a daily basis I have to remember that, and believe me I'm struggling with it. I know things will work out the way they're intended, the way they're supposed to work out. I keep on telling myself that.

I look back at this whole blog and I think, wow, some of the things I wrote months ago perhaps were meant to prepare me for today -- life is for learning, all great things in your life you have to fight for, and a family is what you make of it.

Whatever it takes bebes, whatever it takes.

Don't forget to ask God to connect us, talk to Him before you fall asleep, ask Him what's up and soon we'll find the answers.

xxxmuitomuitomuito AMOR
Mommy

Explanations and Honesty

Oi Bebes,

I know it has been a long time since I've written. I honestly don't even know where to begin at this point except to say that God's guiding us down some path we know nothing about but I know the outcome will be what is right for that time. I don't know if that makes any sense but I'll do my best to explain.

I do not want to get into the specifics but sometime in late July things started to go a bit haywire with the adoption process. From there on in prices have gone up (I didn't care about that though, I'm good at finding money when I need to) the requirements have changed and now, minutes ago I received an e-mail saying that the adoption process between Brazil and the United States has been temporarily suspended. A meeting to resolve certain issues regarding compliance with the Hague Convention on International Adoptions was to take place on September 11, 2008 and did not. It is rescheduled for October 22, 2008 but I am told it MAY NOT happen. This is not a good sign.

I know everything happens for a reason and I've been saying it all along. This is sooo hard for me to say but I've been thinking lately that maybe I should wait a bit, the economy is bad, my job is not particularly stable. And then I think, I can't wait, because you guys have waited too long. I've been completely torn.

Many monkey wrenches have been thrown into this process and I must wonder who's been tossing them my way. Is it God letting me know that perhaps right now it's not the right time for me, for us? Is He allowing this to happen because he has a better plan. I do believe with all my heart, really with all my heart, that that is the case. He's got a better plan for us. A safer plan, a more secure plan than I have. Maybe I needed this time, these monkey wrenches thrown into the mix so I don't go along too fast or without a net. Oh brother, I don't know what His plan is, I have no idea. One thing is for sure, I know that whatever the outcome it will be best for all of us.

So while I continue to wait I'll focus on scoping out base camp, don't think I forgot about that! I've been working very hard on that -- maybe it will be set up before you come, now that would be even better and maybe they'll be room for 5! Maybe it will be a house, but with the economy the way it is it might be a giant 4 season tent! Whatever it is it will be fun because we will be in it together. You'll fall asleep in my arms regardless.

I promise you this: Whatever happens I will never EVER stop coming for you. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'll do whatever it takes.

Muito Muito Muito Amor
Mommy

God Did Something Yesterday

Oi Bebes,

I felt God's hand at work yesterday. I was in panic mode, feeling sick to my stomach, anxiety ridden, wanted to bang my head against the wall and knock myself out so the feeling would just pass.

I begged God to do something for me, I asked and asked, and almost immediately, what I needed to happen happened. Clearly I asked for something I shouldn't have and God made it happen but since He's da bomb, that's all he did was make it happen. Nothing further and for that I am so grateful. It was like magic. It was as if God was saying "I absolutely hear you and will lend you a hand right now because you are in panic mode but know this is not my will nor my plan for you"

I know this might not make any sense to you but I wanted you to know about the power of God because it is something amazing. What I prayed for yesterday had no rhyme or reason, why I got it after so long was none other than the fact that God was hearing me loud and clear. Why nothing came of it was HIM protecting me ONCE again!

Soon He'll be protecting all of us under one roof. Please ask him as always to connect us and protect us while we wait.

Muito Muito Amor,
Mommy

Childhood Dreams...

Oi Bebes,

I know that our childhood dreams will be much different and I feel a bit selfish telling you about mine, but I will because while some were from very early on, most were born when I was your age. And so here they are:

To be free: when I was a kid I thought that to be free meant to run all over and not just inside the gate or down the road. Now I know it to be different. Freedom is a mindset. Sometimes though, one feels freer in different places.

To travel all over the world: Ever since I could remember I've always had a very strong wanderlust. All my life I've almost always wanted to be somewhere else. As an adult I don't regret it for one second. My wanderlust made me who I am and it's not over yet. These days though, I've realized that I don't have to go too far to feel it.

To help people: I don't know how to explain this one. I think it's something that you're born with. I can't remember a time when I didn't help someone in need. That goes for animals too. Now I'm lucky enough to have a career, which marries my love of education and my childhood dream to help people. I suppose life could be worse.

To adopt: yes, I have wanted to adopt since I was very, very young. Since the minute my mother explained the concept of adoption, I knew I would do it when I grew up. I've realized that my desire to adopt has freed me from the weight that most women carry on their shoulders... the biological clock. I never heard the tic tock tic tock of that clock. Not having a biological clock has allowed me to do so many things I wouldn't have done had I married early to start a family. I have enjoyed my life immensely thus far. I look forward to now enjoying it in a different way.

To write a novel: One night some years back I was sitting on the beach with a friend and we had a nice little fire going. I was reading him bits and pieces of Verso when I realized that it was a thinly veiled novel of some fantasy that I was holding on to for years. I hated that writing the book had become a monkey on my back and like all the monkey's I've had on back in the past, I shook it off. Into the fire. Years of typed pages and hand written notes burned. It was one the most liberating things I've ever done. A couple of years ago I found an old clipboard in the garage. On the clip-board was the first chapter. I cried. Not because it was gone but because of the awesome memories I have of that fantasy -- and then I realized, it wasn't really a fantasy after-all. Now I write for different reasons. When I was a kid I guess I thought that writers only wrote novels. I was wrong. Fact remains though, that I do write, just not fiction. Well, not yet anyway.

And there you have it. I'm living out my childhood dreams. And it's all connected. I've got the freedom to travel to get my kids and to write about it in my blog. Life is really good and it's all because of you, my yet unknown children.

Muito Muito Muito Amor e Beijas
Mommy

Hitting the Long Shot

Oi Bebes,

I've hit the long shot before and I'll hit it again. In the past few weeks some monkey wrenches have been thrown my way but what it comes down to in the long run is that I try harder, work more efficiently and get the job done any way I can. It's that simple and soon when I'm tucking you both in I'll look back and laugh at this mess. I'm sure of it and I PROMISE.

The one thing that I will strive to teach you is to be strong minded individuals who can have whatever they want when they put their minds to it. A brick wall stops only people who aren't strong enough to break it down, or smart enough to scale it.

As always, ask God to connect us, and protect us while we wait.

Muito Amor,
Mommy

Home Study -- Draft!

Oi Bebes,
I received a draft of my home study which I am going through now. I have to supply two more documents which should be done by tomorrow and they it will be stamped FINAL! Final and OFFICIAL -- I could then begin the grant writing process and hopefully someone will fork over some cash! Here's some bits and pieces of our home study, some friends have been interested as to what it says and what kind of report it actually is... I was surprised at the simplicity of it when I read it!

MOTIVATION FOR ADOPTION

Ms. Safina shares that when she was six years old, her mother explained what adoption was. Since then, the idea of adoption intrigued her and she grew up feeling that she would grow her family through adoption. Ms. Safina states that at this point in her life she is in a secure financial situation and is able to financially handle having a family. She feels that she is also comfortable with herself and confident that this is the right time for her to be a mother.


APPLICANT FAMILY BACKGROUND

Patricia Safina was born in Queens, New York on December 16, 1967. She has two older brothers. Ms. Safina has good memories of her childhood. “When I was about eight years old my family moved to Glendale. We lived in a two family house with my grandparents living downstairs. Because my brothers were much older, I grew up feeling almost like an only child. I recall having great friends in the neighborhood and enjoyed playing with my friends.” Ms. Safina remembers that her family owned a house in upstate New York, where they would spend summers. She states that she has very fond memories of those summers as that is where she learned a lot of things such as swimming, gardening, sports, etc. Ms. Safina says that she enjoyed school and graduated from Forest Hills High School in 1985. She attended Queensborough Community College from 1990 to 1992 and earned her Associates. At the age of twenty-two Ms. Safina decided to attend school full time and earned her Bachelors Degree from Queens College in 1994. She traveled to Florence, Italy and stayed there for five years returning to New York in 1999. She worked together with her bothers for a few years and went back to school in 2005 attending the School of Public Affairs at Baruch College, earning a Masters of Science in Education in 2007. Ms. Safina shares that all during her education her parents were very supportive and helpful.

Ms. Safina’s mother, Rose Tilotta Safina died in November 2007. Ms. Safina shares that she still misses her mother. “My mother and I had a great relationship. We were together all the time. She was an amazing woman, she was always there for anything and everything I needed. She taught me everything she knew and encouraged and supported me in all I did. She was unconditionally dedicated to her family.” Ms. Safina has two brothers. The oldest Andrew Safina is fifty years old. He lives in California. He has three children, Julian age nineteen, Christian age sixteen and Austin age thirteen. “Andrew is a lot like me, he is a lot of fun. He is easy going and loves kids very much.” Her second brother is Rosario Safina who is forty-seven years old. He lives with his wife, Linda and their twelve year old son, Paolo in New York City. “Rosario tends to be very protective. I know he is there if I need him.” Ms. Safina shares that she has a close relationship with her brothers. She states that they are both glad for her and support her decision to adopt.

SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS

Ms. Safina is single and has never been married. She shares that she has had some very good relationships but none was the right one. “My parents were married for fifty-four years and had a great relationship, that is what I want for myself. I am at a point in my life where I am not willing to settle for less than what feels right for my life. I still date, but I am more choosy. I am very confident and sure of myself, that I can accomplish what I want as a single woman.” She says that when she lived in Florence and was 29 years old she was engaged, but she wanted to move back to New York and he did not want to leave Florence. She eventually moved back to New York two years later and the romantic part of the relationship ended, but they remained friends. Ms. Safina states that she is not in a relationship right now, nor is she actively looking for a husband. She says that, “ I am very comfortable living as a single woman. I have many friends through work and in the neighborhood and am happy with the way things are.” She states that if a relationship developed , the man would have to accept and love her children.

RELIGION

Ms. Safina is Catholic. She states that she belongs to her local parish, and attends occasionally. “I am a spiritual woman, and I believe in being a good person and treating others as I would like to be treated. I was raised Catholic and feel that it is important for children to believe in God and to learn values and faith. I plan to encourage them to continue their religious training.”

End

***and I'll leave it at that for now -- SO for any of my friends who were wondering what was written in a home study, there it is -- how I worried about this process, and it's here and gone! God's got my back!

OK bebes,
I have to go now, remember to ask God to connect us and protect us while we wait for each other. I'm doing whatever I can to make this process go a little faster and I promise you, in the end it will all be worth it! God is making very special things happen now, I know it, I could FEEL IT.

xxxMuito Muito AMOR
Mommy

Life is for Learning...

Oi Bebes,

Below are some sentences from my favorite of all time songs -- songs that I remember from my early childhood, with my hair grown past my butt and my peace signs all over the place, from most of my t-shirts and pants to the walls of my bedroom to my little hands -- Yep, my friends might say -- that's her...lol.

We are star dust, we are golden...
And let your love grow with the smallest of dreams...
Give me spots on my apples...but leave me the birds and the bees...please
Everything will bring a chain of love...
I like to dream yes, yes, right between my sound machine...
When I come home from a hard day's work and you're waiting there, not a care in the world...

and finally (this brings us into the new millenium, btw)

I feel there is nothing I can't do, yeah

I titled this entry, Life is for Learning, because 1) it comes from one of my fav songs, Woodstock by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young and 2) because I've been learning a lot lately. First, I'll be with the DOE for another 2 years and have no angst inside of me whatsoever as I have had in the past. After trying to 'run away from home' my whole entire life, and succeeding for a time (a few times actually, lol) I've come to realize that the universe has been conspiring, with the help God of course, to get me to stay in Queens and for the first time since 2000 I'm ok with it. Really ok.

I spoke earlier about my childhood because I had such a great one. My parents gave us some great adventures that's for sure -- and all of them took place upstate. Ardonia, where I learned to swim, to ride a bike, to do cartwheels, to climb trees, to bake apple pies, where I twisted my ankle for the first time, where I learned to swing a bat, where I learned to appreciate the creek of an old wooden porch (the Ardonia Inn) where I went to my first anti war protest at the tender age of 7! Ardonia, where I learned to sit silent, where I got bit by a bee on my tounge, where I learned to put a worm on a hook, where I learned how to row a boat (Twin Lakes, remember brothers?), where I learned to braid my own hair, where I developed my love for the outdoors and my appreciation for nature, where I learned that the best sleep I ever get in my life is in a hammock with lots of OFF!, where I developed my love of all things animals, (thanks to the Catskill Game Farm) and the list actually goes on but I’m thinking you get the picture right about now.

And so, for my master plan: I can't possibly teach you all these things in Queens, nor can you ever experience them in the city and just as my parents set up base camp in Ardonia, I'll be setting up a base camp too. I'll take you to all the amazing places my parents took me: the Adironacks, the Catskills Mountains, Saranac Lake, Lake George, Howe Caverns, and in these places you'll run, climb, fish (catch and release), ride a bike, swim, jump in a lake (my favorite pastime, lol) watch the sunset, roast marshmallows, pitch a tent in the backyard where you'll fall asleep immediately because you're so exhausted from the days' activities....

It's my master plan. It's something else I'm working towards, something else I will make happen. Stay tuned bebes -- and again, before you go to sleep, ask God to keep us safe until we're together and after, and ask Him to give me the smarts to execute my master plan because without Him, I can't do it.

Muito Muito Amor,
Mommy